Oh Myyy! by George Takei Read Free Book Online Page B

yard. Here I am feeding them. They’re refusing, as cats will, to look at the camera as directed.
     

     
    As much as I adore cats, my fans love them more. Factoid: There are some 86.4 million pet cats in the United States alone. This in part explains the success of the musical Cats (it certainly wasn’t the nonexistent plot). Whenever I post an image with a cat in it, I can count on a baseline of tens of thousands of “likes” and “shares.” Even if the cat is really ugly.
     

     
    You probably know that some of the most popular videos on YouTube are cat videos. If you haven’t seen the “Ninja” cat and the “Patty Cake” cats, you aren’t very good at surfing the Net. There are even YouTube videos about how popular cats are on YouTube — including a hilarious one on “catvertising” that makes this very point.
     

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    I’ve lately asked myself why we are so fascinated by cats. Much of the attraction derives from their highly human-like expressions and the rich variation in their size, color and, often, girth. We see our own exploits, frustrations, and failures in their eyes and their efforts. By contrast, dogs are commonly portrayed as “one-note” creatures that have more unconditional, simpler expressions. It also may explain why there is no musical called Dogs .
    Take, for example, this picture:
     

     
    Now, imagine an all-feline version of Lord of the Rings , and you can easily see this fellow in the role of Gandalf.
     

     
    Note the subtlety of the performance here: the epic struggle, the sense of doom, and the bitter knowledge that nothing he can do will alter his fate as he plunges to an epic battle-to-the-death with a
Balrog. Or in his case, the linoleum.
    I’ve done some thinking on the matter, and here are a few key points about cats that might help explain their Internet dominance.
    Cats fail, epically . By that I mean that cats “go for it” with gusto, then fall flat on their asses, just like the gal in the YouTube sensation “Scarlet Takes A Tumble” (Google this — it’s worth it). There are innumerable clips of cats falling into bathtubs, getting stuck in small places, or leaping at ceiling fans and getting their claws caught to be spun about like a tether ball. It’s like a constant loop from Wipe Out .
    Cats are weird . They chase around little red laser lights. They make funny sounds at bugs while their little jaws quiver. And they like to sit in cardboard boxes. If you own a cat, you know what I mean. Put out a cardboard box, and your cat will sit in it.
    Cats are fussy . They preen and clean incessantly like the obsessive/compulsive divas they are. They only like their food a certain way. They relieve themselves in boxes, but never while anyone is looking. And they don’t like their routine or environs disturbed. Anyone who has ever tried to drive with a cat in the car knows this.
    Cats are snooty. When you come home, even after a long day at work, there’s a good chance your cat will look up at you, then turn away like you’re the help. And like you’ve arrived for work late.
    Cats are unpredictable . It is a fine line between the cute, inquisitive and innocent creature resting on our lap and the hissing, spitting and deranged banshee it might become at any moment. This is why we’re trying always to win their love.
     

     
    There is, of course, a large segment of the population that doesn’t share my appreciation for cats. These individuals are, simply put, not “cat people.” To them, the felis catus is inherently wicked or, at a minimum, demon-possessed. So while some will look at a sweet, serene face, with two placid, profoundly far-away eyes, and see the angelic spirit that the ancient Phoenicians revered, others see nothing but evil incarnate.
     

     
    Then there’s the particularly curious question of cat grammar. On the Internet, cats are often depicted using “cute” English, with sentences like