Tracie Peterson by The Long-Awaited Child Read Free Book Online

more despondent by the day. I think she knows it would be a good solution, but she’s terrified to admit it.”
    “Well, parenting is a big responsibility,” Justin said, packing his racket away. “Maybe it’s just kind of overwhelming her.”
    “Not Tess. It wouldn’t be the tasks or the responsibilities that would overwhelm her.”
    Justin sat down beside him. “Look, I think you’ve both been so focused on this one issue, that there’s been little time for anything else.”
    “I know that’s true. Between the doctors and the fertility shots and charting temperatures and making love when all the elements are just so . . . well, frankly, the romance has gone out of our marriage. I love Tess. I love her dearly. And I want children. But if I could only have one or the other, I’d take Tess, hands down.”
    “Does she know that?” asked Justin.
    “I’d like to think so,” Brad replied, twisting his towel. “I suppose I should be more vocal about it.”
    “Sounds like you could both use a vacation—just the two of you.”
    “I can’t argue with that. It’s been a while since we did anything just for the fun of it. Tess has to travel from timeto time with the business, and the same goes for me, but we haven’t gone anywhere together for at least four years.”
    Justin smiled. “It might just do the trick. You know, get Tess out of her normal environment and maybe the world will look completely different to her.”
    Brad ran a hand through his sweat-soaked hair. “I just want her happy. She means the world to me.”
    Justin nodded and sounded rather sad. “I know.”
    Brad suddenly thought of Justin’s loss and felt guilty for having gone on about his problems. “I’m sorry, man. I wasn’t thinking.”
    Justin’s expression grew thoughtful. “I miss Cindy so much. Some days I almost forget she’s gone. I’ll pick up the phone to suggest we go out to dinner or to tell her about a case I’ve just finished, and then I realize the truth.”
    “I don’t think I could bear it if something happened to Tess. How do you get through something like this?”
    “My faith is all that’s sustained me,” Justin admitted. He looked at Brad for a moment, then stared up at the ceiling. “I know that God is in control. I know He has a plan—even if I can’t figure out what that plan is.”
    “I believe He’s in control,” Brad began. “I just don’t know that I could be so strong in my faith.”
    “Faith has to be grown. It doesn’t just blossom overnight. Life gives you all sorts of ups and downs, and usually those issues are small enough that your faith gets tested and stretched and hopefully produces even more faith. But the big things, things like losing your wife or . . .” He paused and looked back to Brad. “Being unable to have a baby when you want one so desperately, those are things that sometimes challenge your beliefs to the very limit of your ability.”
    “What then?”
    Justin smiled. “That’s where you rest in God. That’s where you let Him take the full burden, because believe me, buddy, there’s no way you can shoulder that load on your own.”
    Brad’s brow furrowed. “Isn’t that like giving up? I mean,you’re essentially saying, ‘I can’t deal with this. I don’t have the ability to see this through.’ ”
    “And what’s wrong with that?” Justin asked quite seriously.
    “I don’t know. I guess it just sounds like copping out.”
    “Quite the contrary. Having faith requires us to have action behind it. That much we can all agree with. Sometimes that action comes in taking things in hand and doing for ourselves. But sometimes the action is simply to take it to Him. Because, Brad, there are some things that only God can see you through.”
    “I know you’re right. I just feel so ill equipped. I mean, I do all the basics—I go to church and try to read the Bible regularly and pray, but I guess I’m starting to feel the need for something