(1998) Denial by Peter James Read Free Book Online Page A

the Nottingham Playhouse in
Mother Goose
. Her husband, German industrialist Dieter Buch, died in 1967. She is survived by her son, Thomas.
    Then, as if it would ease his guilt not to have the paper in front of him, he slipped it into a drawer. This was behaviour wholly contrary to the advice he gave his patients. Confront your problems, your inadequacies, your fears, your demons, your monsters.
Don’t file them away in a drawer
.
    An overdose of drugs
.
    It happened to every psychiatrist, although that knowledge did not make it any easier. And he’d never particularly liked the woman, but that made no difference to his distress. His job was to help people, not to sit in judgement of them. And he had failed.
    And the worst of it was that he knew exactly why he had failed. He’d taken a gamble he should never have taken. Gloria Lamark had not been up to it.
    He removed his glasses and buried his head in his hands.
Oh, God, how the hell could I have been so stupid
?
    His phone rasped. He picked it up and heard Thelma’s voice.
    ‘Shall I send Mrs Kazan in now?’
    ‘A couple more minutes,’ he said.
    He looked again at Amanda Capstick’s card, and thought of her smiling at him through the glass control-room window. The warmth she had radiated.
    Keeping his eyes well clear of Katy’s photograph, he dialled the number. A telephonist put him on hold, then Amanda was on the line. She sounded pleased to hear him. ‘You were great,’ she said. ‘Last night, on the programme. I was
so impressed!
’
    ‘Oh – uh – right – thanks!’
    ‘No, really, you were
so
good! We’re going to include a segment for sure.’
    ‘I’m delighted,’ he said. ‘Uh – look – um – listen,’ he was feeling swelteringly hot suddenly, ‘I – I was given two tickets for the Globe Theatre, next Thursday evening. To see
Measure for Measure
. I – I just wondered if you’d been there? Whether it would interest you?’
    She hadn’t been there, she told him. And yes, it would interest her hugely. She sounded genuinely delighted to have been asked. And she’d seen a televised version, she said, but she’d never seen the play performed live.
    Michael replaced the receiver, elated. He’d done it. They had a date!
    Seven whole days away, but that didn’t matter. For the first time in three years he had something to look forward to.
    Thelma buzzed him again, the phone rasping away urgently.
    But now not even Thelma mattered.

Chapter Twelve
    ‘Tina, look, I want to show you! You’re in the
Evening Standard!
’
    Thomas Lamark leaned over the operating table and held the front page in front of Tina Mackay’s closed eyes.
    Her face was pale. Dark rings around her eyes. Blood dribbled from her mouth. She didn’t look good.
    She hadn’t made the front-page splash, Ulster was the lead story, but the only photograph was Tina Mackay’s face.
    EDITOR – KIDNAP FEARS GROW .
    ‘I’m the only person in the world who knows where you are, Tina. How do you feel about that?’
    There was no reply.
    He checked her blood pressure: it was very low. Her pulse was racing: 120. There was still only a small amount of urine in the catheter bag. He hadn’t given her fluids or food since she had been here.
    How did I forget to do that
?
    This worried him. He’d always had bad memory lapses but now they were getting worse. He looked down at her with remorse, trying to remember how long she had been here. Almost a week. ‘You poor thing, you must be thirsty, hungry, I didn’t mean to make your life hell. I wanted to hurt you, to punish you, I wanted you to understand pain, Tina, because you gave my mother so much pain. I wanted to educate you, but I didn’t mean to be cruel by depriving you of food and water. Do you understand that?’
    He searched for a flicker of response in her face, but saw none.
    Raising his voice, he said, ‘I’m saying sorry, Tina. I’mapologising, I really do want to apologise. Can you forgive me?’
    No response.
    He