3 Strange Bedfellows by Matt Witten Read Free Book Online Page A

legal counsel to the Senate Majority, Ducky was the man he reported to.
    "On both a professional and personal level," Ducky intoned, "I had tremendous love and respect for Jack Tamarack." Oh phooey, not another eulogy. I tuned him out and eyed the eleven suits at the front table. I recognized three of them as the Three Stooges who were sitting on the widow's bed yesterday. The other eight stooges were probably fellow county chairmen from the 22nd District. Who had they finally decided to endorse? I looked all around the room, but neither Robert Pierce nor the widow was anywhere to be seen.
    Senator Ducky ended his blarney at last, then stepped aside for Phil Rogers, the GOP chairman for Saratoga County. The whiny voic e in the widow's bedroom yesterday had been his, and it was equally whiny today.
    "Folks," he said in his grating, high-pitched tone, "since we want this announcement to make the twelve o'clock news, I'm going to do it without further ado. We've selected the candidate who we believe is best qualified to carry on Jack Tamarack's legacy. The candidate who shares Jack's views on cutting taxes, fighting crime, and standing up for family values. And that candidate is . . . Susan Tamarack!"
    On cue, the widow appeared from the back room dressed all in black, with perfect makeup highlighting her high cheekbones and dar k soulful eyes. She looked stunning. I half-expected to hear Bert Parks strike up the Miss America theme song. Senator Ducky and his men all stood up and applauded. I almost applauded myself. Widows are such sympathetic figures, especially when they're waif-like and beautiful. It was a touching moment—
    Until some wild-eyed lunatic ruined it.
    Oxymoron must have let down his guard, distracted by the widow's gorgeousness. Otherwise the short, scruffy old man with the long beard and frayed, patched jacket would never have made it past him. Now Mr. Scruffy was racing up to the front of the room, screaming, "This is a travesty! A travesty, I tell you! Where is the spirit of our beloved forefathers? Why are we letting these filthy rich plutocrats tell us who to vote for?"
    He was skinny and frail-looking and couldn't have weighed more than a hundred pounds, but he managed to shove a stunned Phil Rogers out of his way. Then he turned and faced the press, waving his arms and shouting, "I ask you, what makes this woman qualified? She's no more qualified than her ninnyhammer husband was! They're tools of the Gateses and the Rockefellers, all of them!"
    Meanwhile Oxymoron was hurrying to the front, moving quickly for such a large man. He lifted up the thin-chested intruder, threw him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and carried him away.
    Mr. Scruffy didn't even resist. I guess he'd known it was coming, and it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. He kept up his diatribe while still being held upside down in Oxymoro n's arms. "I'm the last real Republican alive! We're supposed to be the party of Abraham Lincoln, standing for freedom, and now look at us! You people better watch your step, because I won't let you get away with this! Jack Tamarack got what he deserved, and so will all of you!"
    Somebody opened the door, and Oxymoron literally threw Mr. Scruffy outside, then shut the door and locked it. In the ensuing silence, you could hear everyone in the room let out a sigh of relief. At the front, Senator Ducky gave a dry laugh. Prett y soon everybody else was laughing too.
    Everybody but me, that is. Mr. Scruffy's parting words had sounded awfully om inous. Maybe they were just figures of speech, but . . .
    "Let's try this a second time," Rogers whined. "I am proud to introduce the next congressperson from the 22nd District . . . Susan Tamarack!"
    As the eleven stooges dutifully applauded all over again, I turned to Judy and asked, "Who was that masked man?"
    "Yancy Huggins."
    "Who's he?"
    She threw me another of her raised-eyebrow, how-can-you-be-so-ignorant looks, but before she could give me a