A Brand-New Me! by Henry Winkler Read Free Book Online Page A

humor.
    â€œDifferent kind of bow,” he said. “I’ll bet you didn’t know that a violin bow is made of horsehair, specifically from the tail of a white male horse.”
    â€œWow, I’m going to pull that fact out next time Robert Upchurch tries to show me up with one of his weird facts. Last night he told me that it’s physically impossible for an astronaut to burp in space. Where does he come up with this stuff?”
    â€œI need you to focus now, Hank. Back to business.”
    â€œFocusing as you speak, sir. Hank to brain, zero in.”
    Mr. Rock opened up a case and took out a violin and a bow.
    â€œI want you to open these cases and record the number of each violin and each bow. You’ll find the numbers on a white label somewhere on the instrument.”
    â€œCan do,” I said.
    Mr. Rock walked back to his desk, opened his briefcase, and pulled out a manila folder that was stuffed full of all kinds of papers—yellow pads, blue test booklets, white envelopes, pink post-its. It was so disorganized; it looked like a tornado hit it. He dumped all the papers out on top of his desk and started to put them in piles.
    I picked up one of the violin cases and opened it. The violin and bow were tucked into their own purple velvet spaces. Without really thinking about what I was doing, I picked up the violin and tucked it under my chin. Then I picked up the bow to check out the horse tail hair. I held it to my ear to see if I could hear it whinny, but then I thought, don’t be silly, Hank. Tail hair doesn’t whinny, even if it is on a horse.
    I took the violin from under my chin, held it in front of me and looked closely at it. What a weird shape it had, when you really studied it. It kind of looked like a little person, with the neck and the head and the curvy body. If it looked that weird to me, I wondered what it would look like to an alien from the planet Zork. Before I knew it, my brain was off and running . . . with my mouth running alongside.
    â€œHello, my little friend,” I said to the violin. “I am Captain Lorch from the planet Zork. We come in peace. And speaking of peace, can I offer you a piece of our Zork candy? We call it Fudge-Ums. Here, pop one into your mouth. Oops, sorry you don’t have a mouth. I don’t suppose you’d want to pop one between your strings. Yes, I see. That could get very messy if it melted.”
    I heard Mr. Rock chuckle from his desk. I have to admit, I really liked hearing that. For me, having someone enjoy what I’m saying is like gas for a car . . . it makes me keep going. So I did.
    â€œDid I tell you that you look so much like my brother Gorch. He also has pegs for ears and a long neck. However, he isn’t made of wood, he’s made of something you humans call beets. He’s very red which comes in handy in his line of work. He’s a night watchman who glows in the dark. And did I mention, it’s dark twenty-four hours a day on Zork.”
    I was brought back to Earth from Zork when I saw two smiling faces standing in the doorway. It was Frankie and Ashley.
    â€œHey, Zip,” Frankie said. “We thought we’d check in on you and see what’s up.”
    â€œYeah, we feel bad you’re staying after school every day,” Ashley added, “so we brought you some chocolate chip cookies we saved from lunch.”
    â€œI may look like Hank Zipzer to you, earth lings, but in fact, I am Captain Lorch from the planet Zork. I will accept your cookies in good fellowship as a symbol of intergalactic peace between our worlds.”
    Frankie and Ashley are used to me, so they just jumped right in without blinking an eye.
    â€œCaptain Lorch,” Frankie said. “How will you eat these cookies? Are they not a strange foodstuff to you?”
    â€œNot after you’ve eaten some of the goop my mother makes.”
    Ashley and Frankie cracked up so hard, I thought they