A Bride for Christmas (Sweet Regency Novella) by Aileen Fish Read Free Book Online Page B

tears. At least she wasn't growing faint at the mention of blood. She watched him for a short time before speaking. "I asked about the war. I can't very well expect you to censure your response. I once heard my aunt's friends speak about a woman who'd gone into battle with her husband. I couldn't determine whether that was the most selfless act, or selfish."
    It surprised him she could see beyond the woman 's viewpoint. "How so?"
    " Of course it would be selfless to be there to take care of him. But can her husband turn his attentions fully to the fight when he must watch to see she is not injured in the volleys?"
    Nash nodded. Daily Lady Julianna surprised him with her insights and thoughts. Did his sisters have discussions such as this? Since they'd grown old enough to leave the nursery, he'd only been privy to the light chatter suitable for polite society. Perhaps it wasn't too late to get to know them better. "I cannot say what makes a man permit—" he held up a hand to stop the retort he expected. "Yes, in this case I say permit. His job is to protect her, and allowing her to risk her life beside him can't be a hasty decision."
    " Would you have allowed your wife to accompany you into battle?"
    " I always assumed the woman I would marry would know her place and not even consider such a thing. If she had particular nursing skills I might have considered it."
    He continued to think, and walked a few paces away before turning back. Looking out at the treetops over the garden wall, he searched for his deepest thoughts. "I would not have married while I served, even had I found a woman who suited. Leaving my mother and sisters to mourn me was enough; I didn't need a wife and children left behind if I died."
    Lady Julianna showed little expression as she studied him. Not the usual polite, pleasant smile, but a smaller, understanding softness to her mouth. "I think many men waited to marry until the war ended."
    " But some men were married when the war began, and I can't judge them their choices. The women who accompanied us provided a great service to many of the men. Some even remained when their husbands were killed, and on occasion remarried."
    He noted a slight lifting of one of Lady Julianna's eyebrows and shook his head. "I'm not speaking of the light-skirts, who were always to be found nearby. No, I refer to the ones who cooked, mended, washed the laundry. A few in our company were rather motherly to the younger men."
    " I imagine it is a comfort to have the gentler sex among your numbers after a battle."
    At times he would have agreed. But not after Toulouse. Or rather, not after the laudanum had worn off and he 'd heard the full details of the days leading up to that advent. "Even they couldn't ease what I felt after hearing Napoleon had surrendered."
    " Weren't you joyous that the war had ended?"
    " The war should have ended before that battle began. I can't give back the lives of those men I killed that day." He raked his fingers through his hair, remembering the feel of blood on his hands.
    " But you didn't know. No one knew."
    He offered her a wry smile. "Those words ease my mind, but nothing can cleanse my soul."
    "Please don't think that. It's an entire world I could never comprehend. I'm not certain I would wish to fully do so. But I wondered about the shadows that come over you at times."
    Nash drew in a deep breath, and then smiled from his heart. "They are passing melancholies, nothing to concern you. But I thank you for that concern." He offered a slight bow.
    She stood, adjusted her pelisse, then closed the small space between them. "I can't call it concern, as I knew you would recover your humor. I simply couldn't comprehend what haunted you so. And at some point I came to feel as if, by understanding it, I could take it from you."
    Her words, spoken softly but assuredly, hit him like no declaration of fondness ever would. A small bit of the ice he carried inside him melted. If he stood closer, would he