A Commodore of Errors by John Jacobson Read Free Book Online

he walked past them.

BIGGER FISH TO FRY

    T he Commodore smelled Johnson’s Johnson’s rancid cologne the moment he stepped foot in Wiley Hall. So did Miss Conrad.
    â€œWhat’s that smell?” Miss Conrad said.
    â€œSmell?” the Commodore said. “I don’t smell anything.”
    In his previous conversations with Miss Conrad, the Commodore mentioned nothing about the legend of Johnson’s Johnson. He did not want her to have her guard up when meeting him for the first time.
    â€œYou can’t smell that?” Miss Conrad said.
    The Commodore sniffed the air. “Oh, that. Well, the truth is, Miss Conrad, Admiral Johnson does not have the best sense of smell. Years ago, when he was captain of a chemical tanker, he nearly vaporized his olfactory lobes in a tragic chemical spill. Poor chap never knows if he’s wearing too much cologne, I’m afraid.”
    Miss Conrad seemed genuinely sympathetic. They climbed the marble stairs to Johnson’s suite of offices. When the Commodore and Miss Conrad approached the anteroom leading to Johnson’s suite, they came upon Mitzi wearing a surgical mask. Mitzi cocked her thumb over her shoulder. “Follow your nose.”
    The Commodore and Miss Conrad entered Johnson’s lair.
    Johnson’s eyes locked onto Miss Conrad’s legs the moment she entered the room. Miss Conrad’s business skirt came down to just above her knees and set off her long sinewy calf muscles and slender ankles. Johnson sat back on his red leather couch and never took his eyes off her legs as she walked toward him. The Commodore and Miss Conrad stopped at a respectful distance from the red couch. They waited for Johnson to acknowledge them but he continued to stare at Miss Conrad’s legs, never lifting his eyes above her knees. The Commodore cleared his throat. Johnson finally looked up and smiled without saying a word. After an awkward moment, the Commodore spoke up.
    â€œSir, I’d like to introduce you to Miss Conrad.”
    Johnson stayed seated. “Hello, Miss Conrad, I’m Admiral Johnson, may I offer you a seat?” He patted the space next to him on the couch. “Unless, of course, you’d prefer to sit on this side.” Johnson patted the space to the other side of him.
    The meeting could not have gotten off to a better start. The Commodore watched Miss Conrad out of the corner of his eye and waited for her response.
    â€œThe red leather clashes with my outfit,” Miss Conrad said, looking around for another place to sit. Of course, Johnson did not keep a single chair in what he called his “bachelor pad,” nothing but sofas and love seats. Miss Conrad chose the pink velour upholstered love seat to her left and sat in the middle of it. “Here,” she said. “This looks comfortable.” Unfortunately, she crossed her legs when she sat down and her skirt lifted up, exposing her thigh.
    Johnson leapt up from the red couch and squeezed in next to Miss Conrad. “I couldn’t agree more. This is my favorite seat!”
    Miss Conrad looked up at the Commodore for help. The Commodore ignored her wordless plea. “Well, then, it looks like you two don’t need my helphere. I’ll just leave you alone so you can get down to business.” He shook Miss Conrad’s hand, struggled to release her grip, and walked out of the room.

    Mitzi stood when she heard the intercom buzz, straightened her surgical mask, and strolled into Johnson’s Johnson’s office.
    â€œDo you have a cold today, Mitzi?” Johnson asked when he saw her.
    Mitzi didn’t feel like she needed to answer. Besides, with the surgical mask on, she sounded like Darth Vader when she talked.
    â€œMitzi, it seems that Miss Conrad isn’t comfortable here. Would you please show her into my office? I have to make a phone call.”
    Mitzi had noticed the leggy blond gal on the way in. She certainly looked a