A Handful of Pebbles by Sara Alexi Read Free Book Online Page A

mistake. What an arrogant presumption it must have seemed, but, and the feeling creeps upon her slowly, what is even more disconcerting is the trace of disappointment that the flower last night was not from him.
    ‘ So come on.’ He begins walking again. ‘Tell me, why so sad?’
    The change in topics is too quick for her . She cannot recall what she was thinking when he first saw her. The ever-present feeling of weight sometimes in her chest and sometimes in her stomach darkens and nestles deep inside her, hiding from inquiry.
    ‘ Am I?’ is all she manages. She cannot deny that something dark sits in the pit of her stomach, making itself known every now and again, but she is not sure she would call it sadness. To be honest, it has been there so long, it just feels like part of her.
    ‘ From the first time I saw you.’
    ‘ Really?’
    ‘ All I could think was why is a pretty lady so sad?’
    He has a good profile, with a really straight nose , and he just called her pretty. He called her pretty and, somehow, he knew she was going to be here today.
    ‘ You are on holiday, yes? So leave your worries. No?’
    ‘ I’m here for my younger son’s wedding.’ There it is, that black weight in her stomach again.
    ‘ There.’ He points a finger to her face. ‘There is that sad look again.’
    Looking away, she rubs the tightness at her stomach.
    ‘You don’t want him to marry?’
    ‘ No, no, not at all. Helena’s lovely, perfect for him. They’re in love.’
    ‘ But ...’
    ‘ No buts.’
    ‘ That’s good then.’ He grins, a wide mouth and so many teeth.
    The track winds around olive trees. Here and there , they duck under low branches and Sarah’s hand drops from her stomach. He stops again, this time to show her wild asparagus. ‘They are young shoots at this time of year. It is the best time to collect.’ But he leaves them unpicked and they continue to walk. The gap between them closes as they come to a flat part of the track.
    ‘ You have an Australian accent,’ Sarah says. It’s almost a question.
    ‘ Yes, many years in Australia. Perth, Melbourne.’
    ‘ Ah.’ She is not sure what else to say but as she thinks of this man in Australia and then Joss in America and, soon, Finn starting out with his own family, Liz in London, her life spins away from her, a momentary rushing that she recognises as panic which is quickly replaced with nothing. A strange blank nothing.
    ‘ There’s that look again. What are you thinking?’ His words are spoken like a song, rising and falling, slow, soft, and warm. She is glad the tear that escapes runs down the cheek furthest from him. ‘You know we have no access to the past, nor to the future. There is only now. And now you are under the olive tree.’ He reaches up and picks a leaf and hands it to her. ‘One side blue-green, the other silver. The wind blows and we see both sides. But you, the wind cannot blow you, you get to choose.’ He stops walking. They have reached a wide track that leads out of the olive grove and down to the tarmac road. The leaf flips blue-green to silver as she rolls the stem between her finger and thumb.
    ‘ So, see you,’ he states, planting his feet and pulling his trousers up from where they have settled around his hips.
    ‘ Oh.’ Sarah looks up and then down the track and then back at the olive grove. ‘You are not going to the village?’
    ‘ I think my sheep may get lonely without me,’ he grins, teasing.
    ‘ Oh.’ No words will come to mind, just a sea of feelings. He twists his hand in a half wave and turns around, his measured pace taking him back into the trees, back to his herd.
    ‘ Arrogant, self-centred, just plain stupid,’ she hisses, criticising herself under her breath, marching down to the road. ‘How could he have known you would be walking there? Why would he follow you? Arrogant, craziness.’
    The tarmac has no give ; her flip-flops flap against her heels as she steps. The sun is gaining strength