A History of Forgetting by Caroline Adderson Read Free Book Online Page B

accused, asked, ‘Do you think I should confess?’
    He had been bad-mouthing Grace, casting himself and the dog in comic anecdotes—some outright lies, others mere hyperbole—with Malcolm playing a world-weary Jeeves catering to the childish and self-indulgent whims of Grace. He was no kinder to her canine friends.
    â€˜Confess?’ She shook her head slowly, a pinched look on her face. ‘Why disappoint them? They’re old and alone. Probably you make their day. But you are an impostor. Yes?’
    â€˜Mrs. Soloff, you always call a spade a spade.’
    She shrugged, then asked to know what had happened during walkies that week and seemed amused by what he said. At least she smiled and did not annul it, as she so often did, by shaking her head and wincing. Mrs. Soloff was barely out of mourning. Because of this, Malcolm saved the high jinks for Faye.
    â€˜Here he is, the answer to my prayers. How are you this morning, Malcolm?’
    â€˜Elated.’
    Her pencilled-in eyebrows lifted curiously above the big white squares of her glasses frames. ‘What happened?’
    â€˜It’s Grace,’ he said. ‘She has come through for me at last.’
    â€˜Explain,’ said Faye.
    He hung up his coat. ‘You remember Mitzi?’
    â€˜Elsa Parker’s dog?’
    â€˜Right. Well, you know she’s legally blind.’
    â€˜I didn’t. Do you want a coffee? I think you have time.’
    â€˜Do I? All right.’ Faye started to rise.
    â€˜I’ll get it. You sit right there.’ The coffee stand was in the reception area. Malcolm plugged in the kettle. ‘And you remember Hugh.’
    â€˜The pug.’
    â€˜Epileptic, or so Mrs. Rodeck claims. We have yet to witness a seizure. And then there’s Lady with her growth.’
    â€˜Where is this growth you’re always talking about?’
    â€˜On Lady.’
    â€˜Where on Lady?’
    â€˜Don’t make me say. Suffice it to know that its placement brings into question her very name.’
    Faye stared at him.
    â€˜It’s pendulous,’ he hinted.
    â€˜Malcolm.’
    The kettle started to shriek. ‘Water’s boiling!’ he sang and turned away.
    Already Faye was laughing. The phone rang and she answered, telling whoever was calling, ‘Is tomorrow all right? No, it’s not you, dear. It’s Malcolm. He’s got me in stitches here.’ Hanging up, she hissed, ‘That was Gwen Velve!’
    â€˜Miss Velve! Get away!’
    â€˜Her ears must have been burning!’
    â€˜Not hers. Lady’s!’ He brought over the coffee and Faye lifted her glasses and daubed her eyes before she took a sip. ‘Please, Malcolm,’ she begged. ‘Tell me where it is.’
    He made a show of relenting. ‘All right, but don’t ever mention it to Miss V. It’s a teat gone berserk. A rear teat. It hangs almost to the ground.’
    Faye grimaced. ‘Why doesn’t she have it taken off?’
    â€˜It’s benign! I don’t believe that’s the reason. She wants to fuss.’
    â€˜Aren’t they silly?’ said Faye. ‘What about Grace? What’s the matter with her?’
    â€˜This is why I’m so overjoyed. Up until now I’ve had to stand there every day adding nothing to the conversation. You can imagine how difficult that is for me. “Poor Hugh,” says Mrs. Rodeck.’ He imitated Mrs. Rodeck’s Britishness. ‘“He had another fit.’’ “What about Mitzi?” Mrs. Parker counters. “She fell down the stairs.’’ You get the picture? Well, Grace, she has an annoying habit, but it never occurred to me before that I might elevate it to a condition.’
    He paused, toying.
    â€˜What?’ asked Faye.
    â€˜She piddles,’ he said.
    Faye slapped her knobbly hand down on the desk and snorted.
    â€˜Particularly when she’s happy. She dribbles everywhere.