A Spear of Summer Grass by Deanna Raybourn Read Free Book Online Page A

of her own dowdiness and when it came to feeling sorry for herself, Dodo could ride that hobby horse until the paint wore off.
    After we boarded the train again with the other passengers—I was amused to see that Mr. Wickenden was markedly less friendly when he was nursing a small burn and a large hangover—we set off on the last leg of our trip to Nairobi. Here the plains were vast, opening up before us like an invitation. There were clusters of bushes and in the distance I could make out moving shapes I was certain were herds of wildebeest. I pointed out to Dora the sight of Mt. Kilimanjaro in the distance to the south, just over the border in German-controlled Tanzania.
    “Look at its snowy peak,” I instructed her as I thumbed through the guidebook. “It’s as if the mountain were wearing a clever little nightcap. It says here that Mt. Kilimanjaro used to belong to the Kenyan side of the boundary until Queen Victoria decided to smudge the border a bit to give the mountain to her grandson for his birthday.”
    Dora was fixed on the view. “That explains a good deal of what was wrong with the Kaiser. If the Queen of England and Empress of India is willing to redraw a map to give you an entire mountain as a birthday present, it’s just a small step from there to thinking you have a right to plunge the whole world into war and kill thousands of people.”
    I didn’t say anything, but Dora was familiar enough with my silences to know a sharp one.
    “I’m sorry, Delilah. I didn’t think.”
    I shrugged. “It’s been nine years since Johnny died. I should be able to talk about the war without falling to pieces.”
    We were quiet a moment, then Dora sat up, exclaiming, “Zebra! A whole herd of them, running alongside the train—look, Delilah, here they come!”
    Sure enough, an entire herd of zebra had apparently decided to keep pace with the train, which wasn’t very hard to do. The poor old engine could have been outrun by a small child with a limp. But the zebra were making an event of it, tossing their short manes and snorting as they ran alongside. They were so close I could almost put a hand out and touch one stripy coat. Dora and I hung out the window to yell encouragement to them as they kicked up clouds of fine red dust that settled in our mouths and ears.
    “We look like red Indians,” I told her.
    “Don’t smile so much—it’s getting in your teeth,” she answered, smiling just as broadly.
    Other passengers were hanging out as well to snap photographs or just feel the cool savannah breeze as it passed. I could smell the zebra, a horsey odour of sweat and grass and something musty riding just underneath. I was still smiling when Dora turned to me.
    “I’ve often wondered—did you love any of them? The others who came after Johnny?”
    She didn’t look at me and I didn’t look at her. Some questions are so direct the only way to ask them is sideways.
    “What would you say if I told you I loved all of them and none?”
    “I’d say you were dodging the question.”
    “Then call me the Artful Dodger,” I told her.
    She didn’t say anything, but the sigh she gave was eloquent enough. It said she got what she expected and less than she hoped.
    “Fine. You want a real answer? The truth is I have loved them all when I remembered to. But it’s easy to forget.”
    “I don’t see how.”
    “You close your eyes and suddenly he’s not there anymore. What you loved, or thought you loved, just isn’t there, and there is a man-shaped hole in your memory of where he used to be. The sad part is when it happens when he’s sitting at the same table or lying in the same bed. You can turn and look at him and not even remember his name because he was just a visitor. He was a man who was only passing through your heart, and you never really made a place for him, so he just keeps passing. My husbands since Johnny have been passing men. Not a stayer among them.”
    “And Johnny?”
    “Johnny was a