A Very Merry Superhero Wedding (Adventures of Lewis and Clarke) by Kitty Bucholtz Read Free Book Online

th e bigges t prize.” She held up a huge box of condoms for everyone to see. The crowd laughed.
    Tori gasped and covered her mouth, choking on a laugh. She looked over at her mom and Hannah. Both women laughed easily, not looking embarrassed. If they weren’t, she’d try not to be either.
    “To play,” Lexie continued, “we have this box of condoms, this blindfold—”
    People laughed and hooted. A few whistles and boisterous yells pierced the air.
    Tori shook her head and covered her eyes. Oh my gosh. She could feel her cheeks getting hotter.
    “This box of colored pushpins,” said Sam from in front of the easel, “and…” She pulled the cover off the board with a flourish.
    A huge poster of The Avengers taped to foam core generated more laughter.
    Tori noticed Joe’s family laughing harder than anyone else. Maybe they’d played this game before.
    Hayley elbowed Tori and nodded to the poster with a big grin. “You’ll never win at this,” she whispered. “You don’t know what to do, right?”
    Tori stuck her tongue out. Hayley laughed and hugged her shoulders.
    “What you’ll do,” said Lexie to the room, “is open a condom, unroll it,” she did so as she walked over to where Sam stood, “put a push-pin in the top here, spin around three times, and pin it on the poster as close to the correct piece of anatomy as possible. Blind-folded.”
    “Oh. My. Gosh.” Tori looked at Hayley and shook her head. “What were you two drinking?”
    Hayley laughed, but before she could say anything, Dixie leaned over and patted Tori’s hand.
    “Don’t worry, sweetheart, you’ll get the hang of it after a while.”
    “Mom!” Tori gasped and laughed and covered her mouth. She was sure she’d never in her life heard her mother say something like that. It was both disturbing and hysterical.
    “She’s right, Tori,” Hayley whispered in her ear. “Getting it on is the hard part. Getting it off is easy.”
    “Hayley Addison! I’m never going to be able to get that out of my head,” Tori whispered back, wiping the tears from her eyes as she laughed.
    “Okay, everybody,” Lexie called to the room. “Come on up. The bride will go last. She’ll have to beat all the other — um , score s — on the board.”
    The next few minutes were side-splitting fun. The condoms were attached to the most unusual places on The Avengers poster. Some people got so disoriented after being spun around three times that they walked off to the side of the poster, blindly flailing their arms around to the vast amusement of the onlookers. Lexie would give them a little nudge in the right direction, and the condom would land someplace ridiculous. One was currently hanging off the end of The Hulk’s nose.
    A little old woman stood next in line. She handed her cane to Lexie and snapped her fingers for a condom. Joe’s relatives grinned and called out encouragement.
    “That’s Millie’s mom, Esther,” Hannah said to Tori and their table. “Owen’s grandma, Joe’s great-grandma.”
    At the easel, Lexie gently tied the blindfold over Grandma Esther’s eyes but didn’t spin her around. Grandma Esther took her cane firmly in one hand, stood quietly for a moment, then shuffled up to the poster with her other arm outstretched. As soon as her hand hit the poster, she pushed the pin in.
    Everyone laughed. The condom was pinned directly to the appropriate part of Thor.
    “What? Didn’t I do it right?” Grandma Esther asked, trying to get the blindfold off.
    Lexie helped her, laughing. “No, you were great. Look, you’ve done the best so far!”
    Grandma Esther moved forward to take a closer look. Then she turned to the room and said in a matter-of-fact voice, “Well, I do have the most experience.”
    The entire room exploded. All the women were holding their sides and wiping their eyes, they laughed so hard.
    Tori couldn’t talk, she could hardly breathe. But she wanted to say, this is the most fun party I’ve ever