A Wild Ride Through The Night by Walter Moers Read Free Book Online Page A

my very own dream princess—or dream consultant, whichever—what are you doing here in the middle of the forest?’
    ‘That’s the embarrassing part: I’ve
lost my way
. I don’t know where the toilets are!’ The old woman gave a bitter laugh. ‘I’ve no idea what’s gone wrong with your dreams of late, but they’ve definitely been getting wilder. Perhaps it’s got something to do with your age. You’ll soon be leaving childhood behind.’
    ‘I haven’t been a child for ages!’ Gustave protested with a scowl. ‘I’m twelve already!’
    ‘Yes, yes,’ the dream princess said dismissively, ‘but don’t be
too
keen to grow up.’ She eyed her wrinkled hands with distaste.
    ‘What has
my
age got to do with
you
losing your way?’ Gustave asked sharply.
    ‘How should I know? I’m merely voicing conjectures. I’m only a dream consultant, after all. What’s more, I’m doing the job for the first time.’ The old woman grunted. ‘Earlier on you used to dream about rabbits, about your parents, and building bricks, and the red ball you were so fond of playing with, and the ducks in the park. But lately—good heavens! Dragons! Winged monsters? Talking jellyfish! Naked girls! No wonder the likes of me can’t find my way around your dreams any more.’
    Gustave blushed. How did she know about his adventures on the Island of Damsels in Distress? Their conversation was becoming more and more bewildering.
    ‘Pin your ears back,’ said the dream consultant, ‘and I’ll give you a rundown on the way dreams work—as far as my information goes, that is. A short course in dreamology for beginners, right?’
    Gustave nodded.
    ‘You must simply think of the dream-world as another country, and when you dream you’re going on a journey through that country. You’re travelling, even though you’re lying in bed without budging from the spot. Dreams are the most fantastic free rides imaginable. We really ought to sell tickets for them.’
    ‘Could you cut the cackle a bit?’ Pancho grumbled. ‘We’ve got things to do before the day’s out.’
    The old woman ignored him. ‘The dream-world is an unpredictable place,’ she went on, ‘—the most lawless place in the entire universe. A jungle composed of time, space and providence, of hindsight and foresight, of fears and desires, all jumbled up together.’ She knotted her fingers into a dense latticework.
    ‘A country, a jungle, a department store,’ thought Gustave. ‘Whatever next?’
    ‘So it’s helpful if there’s someone around to give you an occasional tip, an item of information, a covert hint. That’s what we dream princesses are there for.’
    ‘I see,’ said Gustave.
    ‘No, you don’t!’ snapped the old woman. ‘Listen carefully! I can assume the guise of an articulate apple or a chicken made of cheese. Remember the cheese chicken that advised you to cough three times?’
    ‘No,’ said Gustave.
    ‘Never mind. Anyway, it was a prime example of professional dream consultancy. The dream was a nightmare, and you were on the point of drowning in a pool of rice pudding when I turned up as the chicken made of cheese and advised you to cough three times. You coughed in your sleep, and that woke you up.’
    ‘I don’t remember.’
    ‘That’s the dark shadow that looms over our endeavours: the shadow of oblivion.’ The old woman heaved a sigh. ‘We dream consultants have learned to get by without any pats on the back.’
    ‘So do most people,’ Gustave retorted, rather proud of having come up with such a precocious remark.
    ‘Now, now, young man, you’ve no cause to make fun of our work. Dream consultancy is a hard, unrewarding job, and one that often seems pointless. Besides, nobody can be sure the same fate won’t befall them. You could become one yourself some day.’
    ‘Me, a dream princess?’
    Pancho whinnied with laughter.
    ‘Not a princess, of course: a dream
prince
.’
    ‘How come?’
    ‘Basically, anyone can work in