A World of InTemperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 2) by Ichabod Temperance Read Free Book Online Page A

one knows how it is being done.”
    “Are the nets cut while underwater?”
    “Yep, and nobody knows how it is being done.”
    *~~~*
    The passengers on this train are a strange collection of characters.
    Colonel Ketchouppe is a saucy old coot. I met him in the Conservatory car, with a length of rope.
    What a ham this James Murray fellow is! He is the most energetic person on the train. “Wotcha!” he cheerfully exclaims. He loves playing cards (Never heard of Brag, and just what are “Sheep Stations?”), singing songs, telling jokes and daring to drink anybody present under the table. This Australian wild man has a way of teasing everyone present in a playful manner.
    An older, genteel woman of remarkable bearing shares our communal coach. Miss Wilma Altamont is a welcome addition. She is tremendously well educated and shares many delightful anecdotes to rival even those of the red-headed man from down under.
    What a wonderful time, with wonderful people. That is, until Colonel Ketchouppe, after loosening up with a few drinks, opens a mouth that should probably have remained shut.
    “I saw a heathen display of some kind today back in that village of savages. The foolish people called the thing a ‘Totem’ pole. Silly bit of nonsense, really. I intend to chop one down and ship it home for a scarecrow on the lower forty. Yes. Harumph.”
    Miss GoldenBear’s jaw tightens in an strained effort not to grow angry at these uncouth words.
    “Harumph. Sharing a train with a dog. Really. Harumph.”
    The Colonel gets dirty looks from several quarters as Bolt has made many friends.
    “This country is going to the dogs fast enough already. Ha Ha. Harumph. It is my intention to do something about it. The United States is destined to be the greatest power on Earth. Harumph. She shall soon be moving on to Empire status. I mean to do my part to make that happen. Harumph.”
    “How would you manage that, Colonel?” I ask, trying not to be hateful to the old gentleman for his inconsiderate remarks towards Bolt and the wonderful people of Kuetinpeenk.
    “I am not at liberty to discuss that with the likes of you, young man,” condescends the contemptuous Colonel.
    Miss Plumtartt bristles, but I touch her arm to settle her back down.
    “Though,it would make a few men ‘ill’ if they knew what was cooking. Heh, heh, heh. Burbityburb. Harumph.”
    “Those imaginarian quotational markers dilly up my kwonky, Colonel. Triddie me scuppers, and blocko the diggers, am I to understand that you are involved with a plot to barbee up a method of making the populatto all gully gully?”
    James Murray is not afraid to ask the hard questions.
    “Did I spill the beans on the Bacterial Warfare Plan? Ooops! Harumph! I mean, you silly Aussie. You should mind your own silly business and go back to your own silly country. Harumph.”
    Several hands reach out to stall the Southern Hemispheric. James is quite a nice chap and slow to anger, but this rude Colonel is completely unaware of how angry he is making the people around him. James does not want to upset his fellow passengers and sits back down.
    “Perhaps the cold environment makes for a safe place to handle the dangerous bugs?” inquires a quick on the uptake Wilma Altamont.
    “Yes. Quite so. Burbityburb! Oops! You impossible old bat! Oops! I mean. Er. Be quiet, you foolish woman; this is man talk. Harumph.”
    Several hands touch several arms to stay their angry impulses.
    The Colonel is blissfully unaware of the disagreeable demeanor he projects. Colonel Oblivion is actually very proud of himself, his pedigree, his station, and his place in the world. He surveys his companions while remaining safely ensconced within the husk of his tweed cocoon. Scornful, haughty, self-important, and self-centric, he manages to look down on us, even while sinking further into his seat.
    He looks drunkenly at us each in turn. He mutters a brief description of each person under his breath. In his mind, he