Absence of Grace by Ann Warner Read Free Book Online Page B

tolerance for cold lessened by years in Atlanta’s warmth.
     
    The best solution was to head south, perhaps to Colorado Springs for that visit home she kept putting off.
     

    The time Clen spent at home was every bit as difficult as she expected it might be. Jason and Nancy, who were planning a summer wedding, came to Colorado Springs for Thanksgiving, but for Christmas they went to Nancy’s family in Boulder. That left Clen to carry the burden of her mother’s expectations for the holiday.
     
    “You need to settle down, Michelle. Is it even safe? Your going from place to place the way you do? Why not stay here. You don’t have to live at home, you know. You could get an apartment.”
     
    “I’m not ready for that.”
     
    “Do you know when you will be?”
     
    “Sorry, I wish I did.” She knew her mother pushed because she was worried, but that didn’t make the relentless questions any easier to tolerate.
     
    A Christmas card arrived from Maxine, adding another dollop of guilt. Clen had promised to stay in touch but hadn’t. Her only regular contacts since leaving Atlanta were her parents and the attorney who was handling her divorce. When she told the attorney she’d be in one place for at least four weeks, he promised to finalize everything for her to sign. Initially, Paul had blustered, but in the end he wasn’t contesting.
     

    When the postman rang the bell right before Christmas and handed over the large envelope, Clen knew what it was without looking at the return address. She took it to her room and pulled out the contents. As she read through the pages, tears began to run down her cheeks. If her mother had been there to ask why she was crying, she would have had to say she didn’t know why. Perhaps she’d been fooling herself about how little she cared for Paul, or maybe she was grieving the loss of what might have been—the stability of loving someone. The possibility of family.
     

    Clen left Colorado Springs the day after Christmas and spent the winter months wandering the southwest. By the time spring arrived, she was desperate for stability. But despite that, she kept getting up each morning and starting to drive.
     
    Her future had clarity only in her dreams, but that lucidity always slipped away upon awakening. Then one morning, part of a dream memory remained—a chapel with ornate marble carvings turned rosy by light slanting through colored windows. That image flowing into one of a garden surrounded by walls with robed figures pacing its perimeter in silence. That was all. Or all she could remember.
     
    Marymead. The chapel part, at least, but she had no idea what it might mean.
     

Chapter Five
     
    1962-1963
     
    Marymead College - Mead, Kansas
     
    Clen was in the garden studying for midterms when two nuns wearing long striped aprons and carrying pails and trowels emerged from their wing of the main building. Thomasina was one of the two. The other was the sister in charge of the gardens, Sister Gladys, whom Clen had renamed Gladiolus.
     
    It wasn’t easy guessing a nun’s age, although gray hair sightings helped, but Gladiolus had a face with a comfortable, lived-in look that meant she had to be years older than Thomasina.
     
    The nuns didn’t greet her, but Clen assumed they’d seen her sitting behind a large lilac that had partially shed its foliage.
     
    Gladiolus gestured with her trowel. “I think the yellow tulips will look good here.”
     
    The two settled on their knees with their backs to Clen and began to dig. Just as Clen was about to clear her throat to make sure they knew she was there, Thomasina spoke. “Did you think it would be easy being a nun?”
     
    “A free pass, you mean? I think most of us hoped that would be true, but perhaps it’s better we have to struggle so we don’t become arrogant or complacent.”
     
    “And our sisters. Did you think it would be so difficult to love them?”
     
    “Indeed. And why not? We’re all human. Even