Adventures of a Vegan Vamp: A Paranormal Cozy Mystery by Cate Lawley Read Free Book Online Page A

reasonable question. “Mallory. And I am sorry to interrupt your date.”
    “Yeah, well, you and me both—but I’m on call, so it’s not completely unexpected. Are you in any immediate danger?”
    “About that—every time I fall asleep, I wake up significantly diminished. In size. As in, I’m losing weight really fast.”
    “Yeah. If you can’t consume blood and you’re going through the transformation… Ah, you said you went to the doctor and that’s where you met Anton?”
    “Right. But my doctor was clueless. Other than telling me to try drinking lots of water and wishing me luck, she couldn’t get me gone fast enough. Oh, and telling me I’m probably toast. Sorry—not long for this earth. Not in so many words, but basically. Although other than being really hungry—no bloodlust, just really hungry—I feel fine. And the coffee has really helped.”
    A choking noise sounded on the line. “Don’t drink coffee.”
    “What? It makes me feel great. And it’s one of the few things I can get down.”
    “Yeah, well, coffee makes most vamps a little nutty, so be cautious.” Some background noise cut through, then I heard muffled voices—probably speaking to his smoking date. “If you think you can hang on till morning, I can swing by, pick you up, and take you in to see one of the Society vamps. If it helps, most vampires seem to drink whatever they want, but I’ve not seen one consume solids. So maybe give some other liquids besides coffee a try.”
    “Sure thing. Thank you. Oh, and good luck on your date.”
    “Cheers.”
    “Oh, wait a second. Hello?”
    “Still here.”
    “Don’t you need my address?”
    “No joke about the crank-calling policy. I’ve got your address.”
    “Right. Got it.” Because that wasn’t creepy at all. “Thanks again!”
    But he’d already hung up.
    Now, to get through the night. No problem. Coffee didn’t seem to make me nutty, so I’d just drink coffee all night. That way, I wouldn’t fall asleep, and all the creepy transformation stuff that happened in my sleep couldn’t happen.

    * * *
    F ive hours later I was seeing music, hearing colors, and talking to my dead Great-Auntie Lula.
    Can’t drive. Can’t call my mother. Noooooo. Definitely can’t call Mother . Looking like a skeleton, talking like a crazy lady, I’d end up in an institution for sure.
    I paced. Chugged some water. Paced.
    Maybe some more coffee would be good. Noooo! No. More. Coffee. Bad me. Bad.
    I paced some more. And then brilliance struck. “Shakes!” I looked at the fading figure of Great-Auntie Lula and waved as she faded away. “Thank you!”
    Because Great-Auntie Lula had practically lived on this one particular brand of vegan nutrition supplement shakes the last few years of her life. I’d even tried them, and they weren’t half bad.
    “Now, where does an emaciated vamp strung out on caffeine go to get her vegan shake fix? Ha!” I knew right away. There was only one place where I wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb. One place that welcomed all comers at all hours.
    I called a cab. I was going to Walmart.

8
    Not a Pimple in Sight
    C ontrary to all my efforts , I did eventually fall asleep. I passed out on my sofa sometime around three or four in the morning in the midst of sorting donation-worthy clothes. Moving was the perfect opportunity to dump unneeded stuff, and my much, much too large clothing counted as unneeded.
    I still wasn’t sure what vampirism was: part science, part magic? In any event, it was one hundred percent weird. Because I consumed a greater quantity of supplement shakes, well into the wee hours of the night, than a human body could possibly handle.
    I’d been hungry, and the shakes had “stuck,” with the odd exception of chocolate. Chocolate was not a vamp’s friend. Or at least not this vamp’s.
    I’d drunk so much I’d managed to fill out my cheeks a little. I’d even accomplished the herculean task of taking the edge off that nasty,