Agent to the Stars by John Scalzi Read Free Book Online Page B

the trash. That passes for nature here in LA. It was just above the smog layer, too. Such are the advantages
of having prosperous parents. My mother left it to me after my father died and she retired to Scottsdale, to be closer to her mother’s nursing home.
    The only thing that could be held against it was that it was in the wrong valley—San Gabriel, where the “real” people (read: not in the movie business) lived. Every once in a while one of the other agents would mock me about that. I would smile sweetly and ask them what the rent was on their one-bedroom condo in Van Nuys.
    â€œI’ve lived here all my life,” I said. “My mom gave me the house when she moved. What does ‘highly advanced and organized colony of single-celled organisms’ mean?”
    â€œIt means that each of the cells in my body is a self-contained, unspecialized organism,” Joshua said. “How did you decide to become an agent?”
    â€œMy dad was an agent—a literary agent,” I said. “When I was a kid, he’d bring his clients over for dinner. They were weird but fun people. I thought it was cool that my dad knew such weird people, so I decided I wanted to be an agent. I must have been about five. I had no idea what an agent really did. If you’re actually a bunch of smaller creatures, how do you get them all to move and act the way you want them to?”
    â€œI don’t know,” Joshua said. “Do you know how you make your heart beat?”
    â€œSure,” I said. “My brain sends a message to my heart to keep beating.”
    â€œRight,” Joshua said. “But you don’t know the exact process.”
    â€œNo,” I said.
    â€œNeither do I,” Joshua said. “Do you have a game console?”

    â€œWhat? No,” I said. “I had a Nintendo when I was younger, but that was a long time ago. Do you have any organs, like a heart or a brain?”
    â€œNot exactly,” Joshua said. “The cells take turns performing functions, based on need. Right now, for example, the cells on my surface are collecting sensory information. Other cells not otherwise occupied are performing cognitive functions. The cells around the pizza are digesting it. Like I said, I don’t think about doing these things, they just get done. What about cable?”
    â€œBasic plus HBO and Playboy Network.”
    â€œNaughty boy.”
    â€œI wanted Showtime. They screwed it up. I never got around to fixing it.”
    â€œI believe you,” Joshua said. “Really I do.”
    â€œAre you male or female?” I asked.
    â€œI’m neither,” Joshua said. “My cells reproduce asexually. Spice Channel will do nothing for me. Do you have a computer with an Internet connection?”
    â€œI have a Mac and DSL,” I said. “Why are you asking about these things?”
    â€œI don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a gelatinous cube,” Joshua said. “It’s not like I’m going to be getting out of the house much. The neighbors would talk. So I want to make sure I’m going to be able to keep myself amused. Got any pets?”
    â€œI had a cat, but he ran away about two years ago. I say ‘ran away,’ but I think he was hit by a car or eaten by coyotes. The Escobedos next door have a retriever, Ralph, that will occasionally get out of the yard and come over for a visit. I don’t think you need to worry about Ralph, though. He’s fifteen years old. He might be able to gum you, but that’s about it.
Anyway, he never comes in the house. So, if your species reproduces asexually, that means you’re a clone of some other Yherajk, right?”
    â€œEeeeeeeh …” Joshua sounded suspiciously like he was trying to evade the question. “Not exactly,” he said, finally. “Our cells are asexual but we have a way of creating new … ‘souls’ is probably the