Alcatraz versus the Knights of Crystallia by Brandon Sanderson Read Free Book Online Page B

seem so . . . rustic."
    "Rustic?" she said as the coachman urged his beasts into motion. "Why, they're f ar more advanced than those bot tlemobiles you Hushlanders use!"
    It's a common belief in the Free Kingdoms that ever y thing they have is more advanced than what we backward Hushlanders use. For instance , they like to say that swords are more advanced than guns. This may sound ridiculous until you realize their swords are magical and are, indeed, more advanced than guns – the kinds of early guns the Free Kingdomers had before they switched to silimatic technology.
    Horses, though . . . I've never bought that one.
    "Okay, look," I said. "Horses are not more advanced than cars."
    "Sure they are," Patty said.
    "Why?"
    "Simple. Poop."
    I blinked. "Poop?"
    "Y u p. W hat do those slobomobiles make? Foul-smelling gas. What do horses make?"
    "Poop?"
    "Poop," she said. "Fertilizer. Y ou get to go somewhere, and you get a useful by- p roduct."
    I sat back, feeling a little bit disturbed. Not because of what Patty said – I was used to Free Kingdomer rational izations. No, I was disturbed because I'd somehow managed to talk about both excrement and flatulence in the course of two chapters.
    If I could somehow work in barfing, then I'd have a complete potty humor trifecta.
    Riding in the carriage allowed me a good look at the city's people, buildings, and shops. Oddly, I was just sur prised by how . . . well, normal everyone seemed. Y es, there were castles. Yes, the people wore tunics and robes instead of slacks and blouses. But the expressions on their faces – the laughter, the frustration, even the boredom – were just like those back home.
    Actually, riding down that busy road – with the castle peaks rising like jagged mountains into the sky – felt an awful lot lik e riding in a taxi through New Y ork City. P eople are people. Wherever they come from or whatever they look like, they're the same. As the philosopher Garnglegoot the Confused once said: "I'l l have a banana and crayon sand wich, please." (Garnglegoot always did have trouble staying on topic.)
    "So where do all of these people live?" I asked, then cringed, expecting Bastille to shoot back something like "In their homes, stupid." It took me a second to remember that Bastille wasn't there to make fun of me. That made me sad, though I should have been ha ppy to avoid the mockery.
    "Oh, most of them are from Nalhalla City here," Patty said. "Though a fair number of them probably traveled in today via T r ansporter's Glass."
    "Transporter's Glass? "
    Aunt Patty nodded her blond-haired head. "It's some very interesting technology, just developed by the Kuanalu Institute over in Halaiki using sands your father discovered a number of years ago. It lets people cross great distances in an instant, using a feasibly economic expenditure of bright sand. I've read some very exciting research on the subject."
    I blinked. I believe I've mentioned how unreasonably scholarly the Smedry clan is. A remarkable number of them are professors, researchers, or scientists. We’ re like an unholy m ix of the Brady Bunch and the UC LA honors department.
    "You're a professor, aren't you? ” I accused.
    "Why, yes, dear!" Aunt patty said.
    " S ilimatics?"
    " That's right; how'd you guess?”
    " J ust lucky," I said. "Have you ever heard of a theory that says O culators can power technological types of glass in addition to their Lenses?”
    S he harrumphed. "Been speaking with your father, I see."
    "My father?"
    " I 'm well aware of that paper he wrote," Aunt Patty con tinued, "but I don't b u y it. C laiming that O culators were somehow brightsand in human form. Doesn't that seem silly to you? How can sand be human in form?”
    “I –“
    "I'll admit that there are s o me discrepancies, ” she con tinued, ignoring my attempt to interject. "However, your father is jumping to conclusions. This will require far more research than he's put into it! Research by people who are more