Alien Accounts by John Sladek Read Free Book Online Page A

aside and said, ‘Play it cool, boy. If he pulls a knife, just you give me a holler.’
    Henry pushed open the door with the placard and entered a plain, drab room. On one wall was a peculiar dart board, and on the floor beneath it a huge pile of darts with plastic fins. Near the opposite wall was a long desk behind which was visible the upper half of Mr. Masterson. In his hands was a dart with green plastic fins. Nothing else in the room was describable.
    The boss half-rose, turned and hurled the dart; it hit a spot near the baseboard with a sound like a thrown knife, hung for an instant, then fell to the heap.
    ‘So it goes,’ sighed Masterson, or maybe, ‘How would you like a raise?’
    ‘Fine, sir.’
    ‘Here’s the set-up. We may have a new contract or two. Already we have a new contact or two. It’s the big chance. All the candy companies on the coast are changing over to dynamometers. They’ll need a lot of records and stuff switched over, too, and that’s where we come in. If we can handle the changeover for one company, we can do good. Then all the other companies will want us to do good for them, too. Get it? Then later on, when the armed forces change from telephones to radios, we’ll be set, see?
    ‘But we’ll need some extra help, and I’ll need your help. You could bemy right hand, and it’ll mean a lot of extra money for the company, o.k.?’
    Section XI: The Mysterious Motto
     
    Henry remembered his motto, the words spoken to him by the boss the day he’d hired him. As they had occurred to him. Henry had added interpretations, until now the sheet was covered; but which had the boss actually said?
    If you work good, we’ll do good by you.
    If few work good, we’ll do good by you.
    If you were good, we’ll do good by you.
    If few were good, we’ll do good by you.
    If you work good weal, do good by you.
    If few work good weal, do good by you.
    If you were good weal, do good by you.
    If few were good weal, do good by you.
    In addition to these, there were the 24 combinations possible by replacing ‘good by you’ by ‘good buy you’, ‘goodbye, you’, and finally ‘good bayou’. Though it was unlikely that he said ‘If few were good weal, do good bayou,’ that possibility could not be overlooked, Henry thought as he shook hands and prepared to leave.
    ‘One thing, though,’ said Masterson, counting that thing on his forefinger. ‘Of course you’ll make a lot of dough eventually, after our contacts become contracts, but you’ll have to take a little pay cut for now, o.k.?’
    They shook hands once more, and Henry started to leave. The boss held up two fingers. ‘Secondly, now that you’re a boss, you’ll have to do a little informing on your pals. Remember, a boss has no real pals, and the great are always lonely.
    ‘So I want you to tell me who hates me and who likes me. Let me know everything they say about me, understand?’ He brought out another dart and threw it at the strange dart board.
    ‘When the time comes –’ the dart stuck weakly in the edge of the board and drooped. ‘You’ll get your reward.’ The dart fell quietly to the floor.
    ‘Especially I want to know what my father says about me. You eat with him, don’t you?’
    ‘How did you know?’
    Masterson wagged his fat forefinger. ‘I have my spies, I have my spies,’ he said archly. ‘But tell me, does he talk about me a lot?’
    ‘No.’
    ‘Don’t you lie to me! I know he talks about me all the time. All right, get out of here, then, and forget about that swell job.’
    Henry waited for a pink slip, but it never came. Indeed, he seemed to receive the promotion after all, for he took a pay cut.
    Section XII: A Hazard of New Fortunes
     
    All that week they worked on the bid. Masterson never left the aisle, but stamped, screamed, pounded on tables, and chewed to pieces dozens of dart-fins. He directed his father to hand out pink slips to anyone who got in his way, or to anyone who sneaked around