All That Glitters by Thomas Tryon Read Free Book Online Page B

took care of that, and upon Pauline’s discovering for herself that Babe wasn’t at all like her projected image, but a sweet-natured girl with a good sense of humor, she began adding her own blandishments to Viola’s. Together they persuaded Sam to drag out the script of Pattycake , with Babe in mind; Vi slipped a copy to Babe to look over, and in a weekend she’d completely rewritten the thing, calling it Broadway Blue Eyes , giving it a stronger plot line and surrounding herself with four or five leading men to cast her spell upon. Harry Shine, one of Mack Sennett’s old comedy directors, was dragged out of mothballs to perform director chores, and in no time AyanBee Studios had the moneymaking hit it had been looking for. In fact, it could be said that Babe Austrian saved the lot (Fort Knox with tits, indeed), and with this resounding success her star was catapulted high into the Hollywood firmament. In hardly any time at all Babe’s name was a household word, and Babe Austrian jokes quickly replaced the farmer’s daughter and Little Audrey variety, and shopgirls across the country began peroxiding their locks and wearing ankle socks and a hair ribbon to match their outfit.
    Then came Pretty Polly. It had been Frank’s original idea of teaming the two unlikeliest show-business personalities anyone could hope to find, and he came up with a winning combination that led to three of the biggest laugh riots of the thirties and did much to foster the illusion of the so-called screwball comedy. One evening he’d taken Babe down to the Biltmore Theatre to see Crispin Antrim and his wife, Maude, in a play, and sometime during the second act the idea struck him. With Crispin’s droll wit and impeccable manners, his high style and crisp, gentlemanly airs, the great Shakespearean actor seemed the perfect foil for a Babe Austrian. Frankie envisioned a story in which the two could rub up against each other (after a fashion) and produce laughs. Never especially noted for his comedy performances, Crispin Antrim nonetheless proved an adept farceur in the old tradition, while Babe’s broad delivery of a socko gag was already well demonstrated. After the curtain fell, Frankie conducted her backstage to meet the famous actor, and was pleased to see how well they got on.
    Next day Frank huddled at Metro with Irving Thalberg, who quickly got the message. The fact that Crispin was years older than Babe only added spice to the idea, and Frank went away to think some more. Sometime later he came up with the idea for a backstage story, called Footlights , which eventually became Pretty Polly , the story of a newcomer to the Follies who meets a broken-down actor whom she turns into a slapstick comedian and who ends up the star of the show. The critics dismissed it as cheapjack Hollywood stuff, but nonetheless it made customers everywhere weep buckets.
    Frank’s idea of teaming Babe and Crispin paid big dividends. Pretty Polly was followed by the even more successful Delicious , about a boardinghouse keeper and his daughter running off counterfeit bills on an abandoned printing press, and the third, Manhattan Madness , contained some of the funniest screwball scenes ever filmed—the story of a rich playboy producer of Broadway musicals who bets his theatre that he can make a star of the girl who works in the hashhouse around the corner. His efforts to create a singing comedienne out of little Mitzi bear fruit and—guess what?—he ends up marrying her.
    Crispin Antrim, who lived at Sunnyside, the palatial house he had built for his wife, Maude, and that rivaled Pickfair as a royal palace and Hospitality Hall for visiting firemen, made a small fortune from his comedies with Babe, but for unspecified reasons the lady never set foot inside those lofty precincts. People said Maude herself was the cause of this rejection, though I never found reason to give the report credence.
    By now Babe’s career was in high gear. In less than three