Almost Lovers by Cassidy Raindance Read Free Book Online Page B

I had a day off of
work. I wished we were there to people watch. But the only people
being watched were Sebastian and I.
     
    I think the others could sense our tension.
Or it was just me being self conscious because I had been lying to
this kind man since the moment I had met him. And I had been using
him, can't forget that part now can I?
     
    The table wobbled as I set down my coffee. I
tried to steady it and Sebastian helped me, the coffee threatening
to splash over the rim of the paper cup. His hand brushed mine,
just barely, and our eyes met.
     
    I felt an overwhelming amount of shame as I
looked at him. I always told myself that I would live as if my
parents, wherever they were in heaven, were watching. I think if
they could have seen me, what I had done, they would have be
disappointed. I hadn’t been a very good person and Sebastian
deserved better, even from a friend let alone a girlfriend. Which I
was not, I reminded myself. I’m still dating Robert even if
he didn't realize it. Lydia had clouded things but Robert still had
my heart and I was certain I had his.
     
    "Do you want to just stand here looking at
each other or shall we sit?" Sebastian asked, quiet and calm.
     
    He didn’t sound angry but he wasn’t the
easiest person to read.
     
    "Right," I said, "Of course,"
     
    I pulled out a chair for him and he looked
at me like I was an idiot. I was nervous. I giggled and my nerves
rolled out in funny little bursts of awkward giggles. I put my hand
to my forehead and wished I had just closed the door on Sebastian
this morning, shouting through the door that I never wanted to see
him again and refused to offer an explanation. That was the
coward’s way. It seemed like a great plan, in hindsight. I wish I
had done it.
     
    I pulled a chair out for myself and
Sebastian picked the third chair at the table. I must have tainted
the chair I had pulled out for him. Tainted with my nervousness and
lies. I let out a deep sigh. We both sat. I pretended to focus on
making sure our coffee didn't spill. It was time to suck it up and
finish this. Like cleaning the house, I just had to do it and not
think about it. I wanted to hum a tune to take my mind off of
things but stopped myself. I was beyond nervous.
     
    "Prussia," said Sebastian, "It’s time to
clear the air,"
     
    I sighed, unhappy about having to put my
actions into words and explaining what all had occurred. It felt
like the minute I said the words I would be confirming to the
universe that I had been a cheating hussy. I had used someone for
my own personal gain, my own motivation, and it made me feel
horrible.
     
    "Okay," I said, "Here goes..."
     
    I started from the beginning. I tried to
explain to Sebastian that I had not intended to hurt him in any
way. It was hard to read him. The more I explained, the more his
face seemed to shut down. I couldn't tell if he had decided to be
furious or had just gotten bored and had started thinking about
something else. After I finished explaining everything we just sat
for a moment.
     
    I leaned forward, clutching the coffee that
had gone cold. I tried to read his strong features. His kind eyes
had slowly disappeared as I had continued talking. They were cold
now, reserved, guarded. Even though I still wanted Robert back from
Lydia, I felt a small pang of guilt and sadness that I had made
Sebastian feel this way. I regretted that I had made his eyes look
at me with sadness where before they had sparkled with every
glance.
     
    "Please, Sebastian," I said, the silence
crushing, "say something, anything,"
     
    The coffee shop and the people that floated
around us had melted away. I hadn't touched my coffee though my
lips and throat were dry. After a few seconds his eyes changed, a
small light in them rekindled though very distant. His jaw relaxed
and the tip of his tongue flicked out of his mouth to wet his lips
as he cleared his throat.
     
    "You couldn’t have known you were going to
be attacked in the park," he