Almost Perfect by Dianne Blacklock Read Free Book Online

fact that there was a problem. She didn’t want to follow it up in Melbourne because it would have beenimpossible to keep it from her parents and she didn’t need the added pressure. When the chance to go to Sydney presented itself, she grabbed it. It would be a fresh start, a change of scenery. And Mac didn’t know it, but part of her enthusiastic research had included fertility clinics.
    Her announcement therefore left him understandably stunned. He was reluctant at first. It caught him by surprise, and besides, he had a niggling feeling that if Anna was doing all the right things, it must be him, which was not the easiest thing for a man to face. But Anna was relentless. She convinced him he couldn’t possibly be the cause, considering he was from a family of nine children, and Anna was an only child born late in life when her mother had given up any hope of ever having a baby. Mac underwent a simple test which confirmed her theory, so she insisted that as further investigations and treatment would all be undertaken by her, he had to agree to let her go ahead. Mac had never been able to refuse Anna a thing, and he was beginning to understand how important this was to her. In fact, he could see in her eyes that she would quite possibly do anything to have a baby.
    Besides, something had started to creep up on Mac that he hadn’t expected. It was the picture of his child. The son he was supposed to have. He’d never really thought about it before, it was part of the shadowy photograph album of his life, tucked away somewhere in his subconscious. Maybe it was not even a son, that was probably his own identity asserting itself. But it was the certainty that one day therewould exist in the world a child of his. Suddenly not so certain.
    And now, seven years later, much less certain. Despite the drugs and the hormones and the injections and the endless procedures and charts and cycles, Anna remained immutably without child. He knew it was breaking her heart and breaking her spirit. It was destroying their lives. And he didn’t know how to stop it.
    Anna walked briskly into the kitchen at seven-thirty sharp, fully dressed, make-up flawless, hair perfect. She knew Mac would be standing there, leaning against the bench, drinking his coffee, giving the paper a cursory scan. Usually he would have left for the office by now, but not this morning. He wouldn’t leave until she was up, just to make sure she did get up. There had been mornings after such nights, after such news, when she had been unable to. Now that he saw her dressed and ready for work, he’d leave shortly, and then she’d be able to relax. She wouldn’t have to behave as though nothing had happened, as though she was fine; she wouldn’t have to pray silently, Don’t say anything, don’t ask, don’t bring it up . Please.
    Because it was no use. They had talked and talked over the years. They had explored every emotion – sadness, anger, guilt, overwhelming disappointment, blame. They had said everything that needed to be said, everything that could possibly be said. And now there was only the unspeakable left tosay. And Anna didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to discuss it. Because that meant deciding when enough was enough.
    So these days she got drunk, and then sick, and then Mac would put her to bed. He’d get up once she’d fallen asleep and work most of the night, because that was how Mac coped, by burying himself in his work. And he would have showered and dressed downstairs this morning, so as not to disturb her. And then he’d wait for her to appear. Which she did, like clockwork, dressed impeccably, calm and ready for the day, as though nothing had happened. Leaving him no opening to utter the unspeakable.
    â€˜Morning,’ she said casually. She could never quite muster chirpiness, and it would only seem fake. Casual was better. She walked straight to him and kissed