An Intimate Life by Cheryl T. Cohen-Greene Read Free Book Online Page B

interesting that she was willing to overlook the Catholic ban on divorce, but not its prohibition on masturbation. I never met Cecile, but I wondered about the agony she must have felt at having to weigh the sin of divorce against the sin of masturbation and make a choice that would leave her religious conviction, not to mention her immortal soul, intact. In this difficult reconciliation, it was clear which evil was judged the lesser.
    Brian was short and stocky. He owned an auto mechanics shop that he had worked hard to build into a thriving business. He sat in the easy chair across from me and bounced his leg up and down nervously. He recounted the day Cecile stumbled upon him in the act. “She only wanted it once a week, so I used to do it a lot. I usually did it in the shower or at the shop after everyone went home,” he said. “But that day, I was in the bedroom. It was a Saturday and she was out in the garden, so I thought she’d be outside for a while and that I was safe.”
    He had almost climaxed when Cecile opened the door and screamed, “What are you doing?” Brain scrambled to get on his pants, covering his penis with his hand. “It was like I was ashamed not just because of what I was doing, but of being naked, of my body.”
    Cecile made Brian sleep on the couch that night. The next morning she told him that what he was doing was a sin and it was perverted. He was a married man. He should have outgrown his need to masturbate. If he loved her, he wouldn’t do this.
    Not only had Cecile imbibed the Catholic dogma about masturbation, she also harbored one of the more persistent myths about it. She believed that once you got married, you “matured” sexually and that meant leaving masturbation behind and transferring your sexual energy to your spouse. Sure, it was 1976, the sexual revolution still had some steam left, and it was the progressive Bay Area, but old myths die hard.
    A few awkward weeks passed before Cecile announced she wanted a divorce. Brian pleaded with her not to leave. He promised he would never touch himself again. He offered to go to counseling. All of this left Cecile apparently unmoved, and before the end of the year the divorce was finalized.
    As we made our way through our first session, Brian talked a lot about Cecile. I had a strong sense of what she thought, but what did Brian think? Did he see himself as guilty? “I don’t know. I don’t think she would have left if I wasn’t doing something terrible,” he said. “I destroyed my marriage over . . . that.” He ran his hand through his honey-colored hair. “I know that I haven’t been able to have a real erection since she caught me. It’s been two years now and I keep hoping it’s going to change.”
    “It’s sounds like you are punishing yourself,” I said.
    “Probably,” he said.
    “Brian, it’s unfortunate Cecile is so misinformed, and maybe one day she’ll get better information, but you did nothing wrong. Masturbation is natural and healthy.”
    “Even if you’re married?”
    “Married, single, divorced, engaged, cohabitating. Yes, there’s nothing wrong with masturbation.”
    I think Brian knew this on some level, but hearing it from me reinforced it. Surrogacy work often begins by assuring people that sexual impulses are no cause for shame. Brian’s thoughts were ambiguous, at best, about what he had done. He may not have believed self-pleasuring was a marriage-killing sin, but he was far from comfortable with it. I asked him to tell me his views on masturbation and what he had been taught about it.
    “I was raised Catholic, so I was told it’s a sin. I guess I never wanted to believe that. No one ever discussed it in my family or anywhere else. I don’t know. A lot of my friends think that a real man doesn’t need to do it because he has a woman.”
    I assured Brian that those ideas were myths, too, and I asked him what happened when he started to become aroused and touched himself.
    “I start