Antsy Does Time by Neal Shusterman Read Free Book Online Page B

a whole lot of mouth breathing. In other words, my mouth is open like a fish when she comes at me.
    The second it happens, a million volts go shooting through my head, and it’s too much to handle, so my brain decides to take a Hawaiian vacation—I can almost hear the jet engines as it takes off from LaGuardia—and now the only thing in my head is gratitude that I got my braces off last month, followed immediately by horror, because now she’s getting nothing but retainer, and why did I pick today of all days to have salami for lunch, and would the brownie I ate afterward provide enough cover, and where’s that mint flavor coming from?
    Then in a second I’m hearing bells, and I think it’s some sort of mental shell shock, until I realize it’s the tardy bell, which means I’ll get detention, but none of that matters, because there’s Dewey Lopez with his camera, preserving the moment for eternity and saying, “Thanks, guys, that one’s a keeper!” and he’s gone, maybe to look for my brain on that beach in Maui.
    Kjersten finally pulls away, and I say—I swear I actually say this: “Do you want your gum back, or should I keep it?”
    She’s a little red in the face, or maybe it’s green, because I think my brain-burn left me temporarily color-blind.
    â€œSorry,” she says, and I’m thinking it’s me who should be saying sorry, but I’m still figuring out what the hell I should do with the gum, and then she says, “Well, I just wanted to thank you. It’s just what Gunnar needs.”
    â€œThanks for thanking,” I say. “Thank me anytime!” And then she’s gone faster than Dewey Lopez.
    As for me, I went off to sit in a math class that I have absolutely no memory of.
    Â 
 
My experience with girls is limited, and usually ends in pain. The one exception is Lexie Crawley. The crash site of that relationship eventually grew flowers, instead of poison ivy and fly-traps. In other words, after breaking up, Lexie and I became friends—and it’s not like the friendship I’ve got with Howie and Ira. See, Howie and Ira, they’re more like family. You can’t get rid of them, so you don’t even try, and learn to live with them. It’s okay having friends like that, because no matter what direction your life takes, you’ll always have the Howies and Iras of the world to raise your self-esteem, because they make you look good by comparison.
    But Lexie was different. First of all, she’s got insight instead of sight. Being blind doesn’t necessarily make a person remarkable, but Lexie has managed to build something wonderful around what others would call a disability. Secondly, Lexie’s got more class than anyone I know, and I’m not talking snooty I’m-better-than-you kind of class. I mean real class. I admire her for who she is.
    Here’s what it’s like between Lexie and me: she can tell me that I’m a much better friend than boyfriend, and I can actually take it as a compliment. That’s a big deal, because most girls use that “I like you as a friend” line as secret code for “Keep your paws away from me, you slimeball,” but not Lexie. I knew if there was anyone I could ask for advice on what Kjersten’s kiss really meant, it was her.
    I went to Crawley’s restaurant straight from school that day, looking for Lexie. Although Crawley also owned most of Paris, Capisce? , the original Crawley’s is his main restaurant. He and Lexie actually live in it. Sort of. See, it’s a huge mansion, but only the first floor is restaurant. The two of them live on the second floor, with fifteen dogs: one for each of the seven deadly sins, and seven virtues, plus one Seeing Eye dog that must have identity issues, because it’s the only yellow Lab in a sea of fourteen Afghan hounds.
    â€œWhat do you want?” Old Man Crawley