Assorted Prose by John Updike Read Free Book Online Page B

charming and intense was the atmosphere of this consecrated interior—about the ladder, and fell ten feet with all my equipment. Looking up from my position on the foul ground, I saw Peintre’s remarkable countenance framed in the crude portal, and was rewarded in a most unexpected way. The Olympian
hauteur
of his visage cracked, and the immortal smiled.

  MR. EX-RESIDENT
    (Assuming, Unlikely Though It Seems at First Blush, That Harry S. Truman, Author of “Mr. Citizen,” Also Wrote Adam’s Memoirs)
    A LARGE NUMBER of people have expressed curiosity as to how Eve and I like residing out of Eden. The answer is very simple. We like it fine.
    I began as a farm boy, so the thorns and thistles of the “outer world” are not news to me. We thoroughly enjoyed our years in Eden, but now that they are over we find many things to enjoy elsewhere. Pleasant as it was, Eden always had the disadvantage for me personally of being a little too lush and orderly. As the saying goes, I like some grit to my mash.
    So many contradictory accounts of what happened have been published that I think the time has come to set the record straight. Now that my grandson Enoch has builded a city of the same name, I know there is a firm watertight place where the records can be kept. I think it is very important, whether or not it causes embarrassment in Heaven, for the First Man to set down in his own words his side of the story so that the generations succeeding him in this world can understand their present condition and why things are the way they are.
    When the matter first came up of eating of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, I consulted with Eve and with the serpent and their consensus seemed to be that it could do no harm and might do a lot of good. It is easy to identify mistakes in hindsight, but at the time this was the best available information I could get, and it was my responsibility to act upon it. And I did.
    The following day, God came to me and asked, “Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?”
    I thought this was a curious question, since if He were omniscient assupposed He must have already known that I certainly had. But I have never had any trouble keeping the reins on my temper. With the utmost patience and courtesy I explained the situation.
    When I was done, He simply told me, “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground.” I felt lucky at that, since what He said to Eve and the serpent was far worse.
    We wasted no time getting out, once the circumstances had become definite. I expected no fanfare, so it was one of the deeply moving experiences of my life to see all the cherubim waving goodbye with their flaming swords. I had not in any way asked them to do this. It was a truly spontaneous demonstration.
    Two things need to be cleared up, for the reason that there has been a lot of improper and inaccurate speculation written concerning them.
    The first is this. At no time, then or since, have Eve and I exchanged recriminations. She was produced from my rib and I have never for a moment wanted my rib back. In my opinion, she did a wonderful job raising Cain and Abel in an environment that was necessarily unsettled and far from ideal. If the boys did not turn out exactly the way we had hoped, this is no excuse for the disproportionate publicity that has surrounded their quarrel. It is of course a tribute to the office of First Man that everything that happens within his family circle attracts widespread comment.
    Secondly, a lot of well-meaning—I will give them the benefit of the doubt—souls have expected us to resent how the serpent has insinuated himself into the good graces of subsequent administrations and is in fact enjoying a good deal of present prosperity. This shows they have no knowledge of the nature of the cosmos. It is the essence of the system that the serpent, having served his term with us, should seek “greener