coffee table then turned back to me, a renewed sense of adventure
animating his face. ‘How about: I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down
on you.’
That particular pick-up line certainly got my attention, so
much so that I ceased my laughing almost immediately. ‘Um ... meh,’ I offered,
shrugging my shoulders.
‘Gee, you’re brutal,’ he joked.
Before I was able to reply, Alexis distracted me as she
casually walked past en route to the waiter. She was humming a tune that at first
I couldn’t quite make out. It was not until she started singing while she made
her way to where Tash, Lil, Steph and Jade were standing, and trying to look
inconspicuous, that I figured out it was the lyrics to ‘All Fired Up’ by Pat
Benatar.
Bitch!
Derek seemed to be none the wiser and signalled me to lean
toward him with a come hither motion. ‘How about this?’ he said in a low husky
voice. ‘I just made you come with one finger. Imagine what I can do with two?’
My mouth dropped open at the very thought of coming on his
fingers. I wanted to come and I wanted him to make me do it.
Right at that very moment, Tash walked past singing ‘Light
My Fire’ by The Doors, while slapping her hairy lady-pie like a fucking
lunatic. Alexis cracked up laughing in response, so I shot her a what-the-fuck
look and then quickly focussed my attention back on Derek.
‘That one was a little better,’ I choked out, clearing my
throat, ‘but it appears you will have eight other fingers that are just sitting
around and doing nothing.’
‘Trust me, Carly,’ Derek said with a seductive glint, ‘they
wouldn’t be doing nothing.’
My Carly-cave came to life and my vagina-bats started
fluttering around. Holy finger-fuck, he’s gone and rendered me speechless
again.
Out of nowhere, Alexis, Tash, Lil, Steph and Jade started
belting out ‘ Girl On Fire’ by Alicia Keys and, unlike before, their
subtlety had now flown out the window. If that wasn’t bad enough, a tapping
noise sounded from my right so I turned slightly in that direction to find Will
drumming on the bar top with a couple of forks, assisting their sudden flash
mob performance. The entire scene before me was ridiculous. Not only was my
fiery hole still on fire with singed crispy vagina-bats, my head was now ablaze
and ready to explode.
Alexis Elizabeth Summers, I am going to kill you.
Grabbing the bridge of my nose, I closed my eyes in the hope
that when I looked again my idiot friends would have gone away.
‘What are they doing?’ Derek asked.
Opening my eyes at this point in time and explaining what
Alexis and the girls were trying to achieve was the last thing I wanted to do.
But standing in the middle of the lounge pretending I was invisible with Derek
beside me was not an option either.
‘They are digging themselves a grave,’ I responded quietly.
‘What?’ he asked, raising his voice over their incessant
howling.
‘I think they are starting their own rave,’ I said.
He gave them all an incredulous look. ‘Interesting. Do they
always do this?’
‘Kind of.’
Derek laughed. ‘God help Bryce.’
More like god help Alexis. Preggers or not, whoreasaurus
is going down.
After the girls finished serenading the room with their
vocal performance, I launched a heated glare in their direction. Alexis winked
then made her way toward Bryce.
‘So ... what do you do with yourself, Carly?’ Derek asked as
he reached out and grabbed two macaroons from a passing waiter.
It’s called masturbation, Derek. And it’s much more fun
with a Lelo and a Tumblr account.
Realising that he was not referring to my self-pleasure
methods, instead inquiring as to what my job description was, I belatedly said,
‘Um ... I’m the receptionist at Yellow Bark Primary School.’
He handed me one of the macaroons and popped the other into
his mouth. ‘Sweet,’ he mumbled. ‘So you like kids?’
Hell no. ‘Sure, who doesn’t like kids?’ I murmured
with a laugh