Bachelors Anonymous by P.G. Wodehouse Read Free Book Online Page A

oblige.’
    ‘And
you can tell me all about your cases.’
    ‘They
aren’t very exciting.’
    ‘No
Maharajah’s rubies and secret treaties?’
    ‘It’s
quite a dull job really. Mostly leg-work. If your legs hold out, you’re all
right. And I don’t do any of that now. I own the business.’
    ‘How
did you rise to such heights?’
    ‘I had
influence. My father was a Superintendent at Scotland Yard. When he had to
retire, he founded this agency and worked it up into something big. I got him
to take me on as an operative, which is how I come to know all about leg-work.
I was promoted to a partnership. Father went off to the Channel Islands to grow
tomatoes, and I became the boss. Just a story of local girl with lots of pull
making good.’
    ‘I
wouldn’t have thought the boss would have stooped to such a lowly job as
watching over me. Sounds more like an assignment for one of the leg-workers.’
    ‘That
was Jerry Nichols’s suggestion. He told me you would dislike having a female
operative on the back of your neck. He was quite right. My female operatives
are nice girls, but they have no conversation, while I, as you may have
noticed, have plenty, which will make it fine for you in the long evenings.’
    ‘I’m
looking forward to it. Is this sort of arrangement usual?’
    ‘I
couldn’t tell you. I’ve never come across it before. But you can see the idea.
The Anti-Tobacco League want that twenty-five thousand if they can get it, and
they haven’t a chance of contesting the will, so they pin their hope on that
smoking clause. Greedy pigs, not to be contented with what they’ve got, but
there it is. Anyway, I wish you good luck.’
    ‘Thank
you. I’m glad you’re on my side.’
    Daphne
Dolby became suddenly austere. The words seemed to have given offence.
    ‘I’m
not on anybody’s side.’
    ‘Oh,
sorry.’
    ‘My
sympathies are all with you,’ Miss Dolby proceeded, softening. ‘I wish you
life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and I shall give three hearty
cheers if you come through, but I’m like the referee in a football game. He
can’t take sides. He may want the boys in the pink shirts to clobber the lads
in the green with purple stripes, but he doesn’t allow that to affect his
decisions. Same with me. I take my job religiously.’
    ‘I see
what you mean. Integrity.’
    ‘Exactly.
I may be rooting for you, but if I catch you smoking, don’t think I won’t
denounce you. Duty first.’
    ‘I
understand. Thanks for the warning.’
    ‘Not at
all. What’s that you’ve got there?’
    ‘My new
dress. I’m lunching at Barribault’s.’
    ‘Stepping
high already? Quite right. Enjoy yourself while you’ve got it. I shall have a
sandwich and coffee at the office. Unless the fellow I’m engaged to takes me
out to lunch. I don’t think he will. He never has the price. Too fond of
backing losers, like his late father. Can I drop you at Barribault’s? It’s on
my way.’
    ‘No,
thanks. I’m going back to my hostel.’
    ‘Then
I’ll leave you. By the way, don’t yield to temptation and have a cigarette
while my eye isn’t on you. I shall be asking you to breathe on me at unexpected
intervals.’
    ‘Breathe
on you?’
    ‘Routine
precaution, just to make sure.’
    ‘You’re
certainly thorough.’
    ‘I
pride myself on it,’ said Miss Dolby.
     
     
    2
     
    Daphne Dolby’s first port
of call before going on to her office was number 5 Murphy’s Mews, which is
situated in the seedier part of Chelsea and inhabited by some of the most
dubious characters in London. A few may have hearts of gold, but the best that
can be said for most of them is that they are not at the moment actually wanted
by the police, though it is always a matter for speculation as to when the
police may not feel a yearning for their society. One of these was Daphne’s
betrothed, Sir Jaklyn Warner. He had been living there for some weeks and would
continue to live there as long as the rent-collector was prepared