Beautiful Failure by Mariah Cole Read Free Book Online Page B

eyes and grip the steering wheel once he slams the door shut.
    I should’ve known this would happen. I should’ve fucking known...
    I slam my car in reverse and swerve around, speeding out of the parking lot. I’ve done well over the past couple weeks—dealing with the annoying AA meetings, the invasive urine tests, and that dreadful, confined bistro, but this shit calls for a relapse.
    I need alcohol.
    Now .
    Speeding, I drive to a small liquor store on the outskirts of town. I buy two pints of vodka, a six pack of beer, and a pack of cigarettes. I place everything in my purse and rush home, locking myself in my room.
    I force the huge bay windows open and toss one of my legs over the edge—straddling the sill. Ignoring the wind and the rain, I unscrew the top of the vodka and take a long, sweet swig.
    I’m never getting out of here...
    I take swig after swig until my throat burns, until my thoughts become blurry, and a memory I’ve been trying to suppress all week forces its way across my mind...
    “Em?” Leah steps into my room and hits the light.
    “Yeah?”
    “Why didn’t you go to school today?”
    “Like you really care...” I mutter and roll over on my bed, hiding my tears.
    “Of course I don’t care whether you go to school or not.” She caresses my shoulder. “I do care when you miss the writing competition you’ve been telling me about for MONTHS—when your teacher calls me and tells me you didn’t show up to present your paper....What the hell is wrong with you?”
    I’m silent. That paper is the last thing on my mind, and if I could somehow vanish from the face of the earth at this moment, nothing would make me happier.
    “Em...Talk to me...” She presses.
    I shake my head and feel her pulling my arm—turning me over. When I’m facing her, I feel her wiping my tears away with her fingertips.
    She looks into my eyes and I know she knows what’s wrong. I can see the exact moment that it registers in her mind.
    “Give me one second, Em.” She stands up and walks out of my room. She returns seconds later with a bottle of alcohol, two glasses, and a half-used pack of Marlboros.
    She urges me to sit up and pours me a glass. “Tell me what happened...”
    “You know how you said your first time was slow and passionate?”
    She nods and motions for me to toss the drink back.
    “It wasn’t like that for me...”
    “Did you tell him to stop?”
    I shake my head. “I wanted to do it...Two dates was long enough to make him wait, right?”
    “Right.”
    “I feel like he was just...” Images of him, my first boyfriend Sean, laying me across the bleachers after the game force tears to fall down my eyes. “He was really rough and he um...He said his ex-girlfriend’s name when he came...He said her name twice.”
    “Oh, Em...”
    I feel her patting me on the back, hear her saying, “That sucks, but you shouldn’t be crying over it.”
    Shaking my head and pulling myself away from her, I let more tears fall. “You said it would feel good, Leah. It didn’t. It really didn’t.”
    “The first time never actually feels good, Em. It’s more-so the emotions...Sex gets better as you go along...Your next time will probably be better. Didn’t you say he was just an okay kisser?”
    I nod.
    “Well, that’s half of the problem.” She pulls me up and walks me out onto my room’s balcony. “There’s a high correlation—”
    “Correlation? That’s a four syllable word for you. I’m impressed.”
    She rolls her eyes. “Next time make sure the guy you choose is a kick-ass kisser. It’ll be better, Trust me. In the meantime...” She leans close and dabs my eyes until they’re dry. Then she pulls a tube of mascara from her pocket, applying a new coat to my lashes. “This should make you feel better. What do you say we finish off that bottle together?”
    I take one last swig from the bottle and move myself off the ledge. My shirt is damp and clinging to my chest, but I couldn’t care