trying. I’m
giving
you the slip.” Lena’s voice floated over me.
I had almost forgotten. I wasn’t really here, not in a way she could feel. I lay back on the ground, trying to catch my breath. Then I propped myself up on my elbows, because Lena was really there, and I didn’t want to miss a second of it.
The way she moved, the tilt of her head, and the soft lilt of her voice—she was perfect, full of life and beauty and everything I couldn’t have anymore.
Everything that didn’t belong to me.
I’m here. Right here. Can you feel me, L?
“I wanted to check on him. I haven’t been out here all day. I don’t want him to be lonely, or bored, or mad. Whatever he’s feeling.” Lena knelt next to my grave, next to me, grabbing at handfuls of cold grass.
I’m not lonely. But I miss you.
Link rubbed his hand through his hair. “You just went to check on his house. Then you checked on the water tower and your bedroom, and now you’re checkin’ on his grave. Maybe you should find somethin’ to do other than checkin’ on Ethan.”
“Maybe you should find something to do other than bothering me, Link.”
“I promised Ethan I’d look after you.”
“You don’t understand,” she said.
Link looked as annoyed as Lena seemed frustrated. “What are you talkin’ about? You think I don’t understand? He was my
best friend
since kindergarten.”
“Don’t say it like that. He’s still your best friend.”
“Lena.” Link wasn’t getting anywhere.
“Don’t Lena me. Out of everyone, I thought you would understand how things work around here.” Her face was pale, and her mouth looked funny, like she was about to smile or cry, only she couldn’t decide which.
Lena, it’ll be okay. I’m right here.
But even as I thought about it, I knew nobody could fix this. The truth was, the moment I stepped off that water tower everything changed, and nothing was going to change back.
Not anytime soon.
I never knew how bad it would feel from this side. At least for me. Because I could see it all, but I couldn’t do a thing to change it.
I reached for her hand, sliding my fingers around hers. My hands slipped right through, but if I really concentrated, I could still feel them, heavy and solid.
For the very first time, nothing shocked me. No burning. It wasn’t like sticking my fingers in an electrical outlet.
I guess being dead will do that for you.
“Lena, help me out here. I don’t speak chick—you know that—and Rid isn’t here to translate.”
“
Chick
?” Lena shot him a withering look.
“Aw, come on. I barely speak English, unless we’re talkin’ about the Lowcountry kind.”
“I thought you went looking for Ridley,” Lena said.
“I did, all through the Tunnels. Everywhere Macon sent me and a few places he’d never let me go. Holy hell—I haven’t found anyone who’s seen her.”
Lena sat down and straightened the line of rocks around my grave. “I need her to come back. Ridley knows how it all works. She’ll help me figure out what to do.”
“What are you talkin’ about?” Link sat down next to her, and next to me.
Just like old times, when the three of us would sit together on the bleachers at Jackson High. They just didn’t know it.
“He’s not dead. Just like Uncle Macon wasn’t dead. Ethan will come back—you’ll see. He’s probably trying to find me right now.”
I squeezed her hand. She was right about that, at least.
“Don’t you think you’d be able to tell, if he was?” Link sounded a little doubtful. “If he was here, don’t you think he’d give us a shout-out or somethin’ like that?”
I tried her hand again, but it was no use.
Will you two pay attention?
Lena shook her head, oblivious. “It’s not like that. I’m not saying he’s sitting here next to us or something.”
But I was. Sitting next to them or something.
Guys? I’m right here?
Even though I was Kelting, I felt like I was shouting.
“Yeah? How do you know where
Mark Russinovich, Howard Schmidt