Becoming Ellen by Shari Shattuck Read Free Book Online Page B

placed another morsel of muffin in her bow-shaped mouth. “Selfish, I know.”
    But Ellen didn’t know. She’d never had a sibling, much less a twin, or even a parent, so it was impossible for her to find a comparison. “But what about you?” Ellen asked, suddenly fearful. “What if
you
find somebody else?”
    Temerity frowned. “Oh, I don’t think there’s much fear of that,” she said. “Not a huge market for blind chicks.”
    Ellen twisted to try to relieve the tightness in her torso. “Have you ever, uh, you know, had a boyfriend?” Her face flushed hot.
    To Ellen’s amazement, Temerity wrinkled her nose. “I’ve dated. But the only guy I felt serious about . . .” She hesitated. “Well, let’s just say it didn’t work out.”
    â€œWhy not?” Ellen couldn’t stop herself. The thought of Temerity moving on and not being around anymore opened a rent from the base of her throat to her midchest.
    â€œHe was fooling around, right in front of my useless eyes,” Temerity answered quietly.
    Ellen shifted, sliding an inch closer to her friend.
    â€œIt sucked,” Temerity continued. “But Justice would have to be blinder than me not to see that Amanda’s worth keeping!”
    â€œOh,” Ellen said. A sense of churning, open space came into existence below her but she didn’t want to look down because she was afraid of what might be there. “Is Justice leaving?” Her throat had suddenly constricted and the last word came out in a breathy wheeze.
    Temerity threw her head back and laughed with her whole body. “God, I hope so!” she half shouted. Then, before Ellen could find her balance, Temerity wrapped an arm around Ellen’s thickly jacketed shoulders and said, “Look, it’s normal, natural, for him to find someone and get his own life. That’s what he’s supposed to do. That’s all good. It’s just that, I suppose it doesn’t make it any easier to let go, because . . . well, I’m jealous, if you want me to go ahead and expose my most sordid thoughts. God, listen to me. Pathetic. Who knows? Right?” She stood up. “Maybe Mr. Right is out there somewhere.” She took three steps and called out loudly, “Prince Charming? Charming? Yo! P.C., I’m waiting!” She sighed and turned back to Ellen. “I don’t hear any hoofbeats.” She cocked an ear as if listening. Across the park, Runt, unable to distinguish canine from equine, perked up his ears. “I’m just not holding my breath.”
    â€œMe neither,” Ellen said. “I hear it causes brain damage,” she joked.
    Temerity snorted. “So do relationships, so breathe away!” She sat back down.
    Relaxing back, Ellen looked up at the depthless sky and just let herself fall up into it, relishing the unavoidable cold. She liked the gray morning, the dogs chasing one another, the warm cup in her hand, and Temerity’s laugh. Most of all, she loved Temerity’s laugh. It was the one fearless thing she knew.
    â€œAll right, tell me about work, any drama?” Temerity asked, effortlessly switching gears and moods. Change was one of the many things that Temerity, unlike Ellen, was good at.
    So Ellen did. She told her about Eric doing and probably selling drugs and his fight with Thelma, and who said what. Last, she told her how Thelma had burst into tears when she thought she was alone. “She always seems so, you know, in control,” Ellen said. “I don’t know why she would cry like that.”
    Temerity was shaking her head. “Because she was
hurt
. It’s hard to be different, as you and I well know, and when people mock you for it, or pretend that you are less than them, it’s really hard to keep your head up.”
    Well, that was as true as anything Ellen knew, which, she thought, wasn’t