Before I Break by Portia Moore Read Free Book Online

want to wake up, run from this , for it to only be a nightmare. My life has gone from finally getting on track to straight to hell in a matter of minutes. I wonder who else knows and watched me blindly go through life without knowing the truth. Dexter obviously knew, but the real act of betrayal is my parent’s lies. I never trusted him, but them…how could they do something like this?
    I hear a car screech outside and see the white Audi pulling off. She’s gone. Maybe for good. She had no clue what was going on. This Cal guy has screwed us both over. If I were her I’d walk away and leave this mess behind. If he’s anything like I think he is, she’s lucky. Nothing tying her to this mess, but if that’s the case Jenna should leave too.
    She’ s not tied to me. We’re only engaged.
    Are we engaged? Can you even get engaged while married to someone else? Married. Im married? No Cal’s married. That sounds even more ridiculous than me being married. I’m...Cal or Cal is me? It’s a bad math equation. How is it possible for him to have a whole relationship and manage to get engaged and married while this was happening? I should have some recollection of her. Well I did, kind of, but nothing concrete, no memories, just familiarity...
    The emotion that poured off that girl when she saw me. She looked at me as if I was her world. She was devastated when I didn’t know who she was. He couldn’t have had time to have a relationship like that. How could he forge a connection with someone that intense when he could disappear at any moment? They couldn’t have been in love.
    Fix this or there will be hell to pay.
    And who is he to threaten me? How am I supposed to fix this? I didn’t even know about any of this until today. He’s the one who ruined my life! The part that sucks about this the most is there’s nothing I can do. I’m powerless. How can I marry Jenna and not know when this guy will show up? I don’t know anything about him. How can I take his threat seriously? What if I marry Jenna one day and wake up as this guy the next? She doesn’t deserve that.
    I look under my bed and pull out calendars I used to keep before my blackouts stopped two years ago, when I started tracking the time I lost. I have four books worth. 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011. I used to keep track of how many days I didn’t remember. I look over them all, counting. 12 days one month, 16 the next. 7, 10, 18, 22. I total them all together and out of four years, I was aware of what I was doing for 750 days. A little more than half of the time frame. That’s a hell of a lot of time for this Cal guy to do a lot of damage to my life…and build his own.
    A burning starts in my throat and spreads to my chest. I grab the calendars and start ripping them up and throw them across the room. I see pictures of me with my parents, with Jenna, and with friends throughout the years. I grab them and throw them too. This isn’t my life. How can it be my life when I don’t own it? When someone can take it over at any second without me having any say?
    “Christopher,” my mom says, her expression is horrified as she stands in the doorway, looking at me in the middle of my mess of a room. I’m about to be 28 years-old, and I still have a room in my parents’ house. I look at her, her face partially covered with her hands. My dad joins her soon after and takes a deep breath.
    “ Son, what’s wrong?” he asks cautiously as if he’s afraid to hear the answer. I let out an angry laugh.
    “Dissociative-Identity-Disorder,” I say pointedly and watch their expression change from shocked to guilty.
    “ We can explain. Come, come downstairs so we can talk about this,” my dad says.
    “ What’s there to talk about? How fucked up my life is? That I’m sharing it with some asshole and you hid it from me?”
    “Don’ t use that language with us!” my dad says, seemingly offended.
    “ Why not, Dad? Is that too Cal-like?” I shout at them. He had no