Before You Go by Clare James Read Free Book Online Page B

lip and then dips inside my mouth, exploring. I barely register what’s happening as he lifts me onto the desk and nestles his body between my legs. My thighs instantly tighten around him. I don’t have to think, my body simply reacts, doing what it’s supposed to. I’m not damaged with him. I’m not broken.
    He opens his eyes and smiles. “Tabby, you have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do that. Having you in class every day is torture. I want to be with you.”
    “I know,” I say, wondering if I could go through with it this time. “But not here.”
    “No.” He chuckles. “I mean, yes. I want to be with you, with you too. But I’m talking about being together.” He pulls my hand up to his mouth and places a gentle kiss on my palm. “You know. Like dating.”
    Oh no. That I can’t do.
    “I thought I told you,” I say. “I don’t date. I’m not at that place in my life.” I slide off the desk, knowing I have to get out of there.
    “I’m sorry, Noah,” I say, walking to the door. “I can’t.”

    TEN

    Noah wasn’t happy with my answer. Or the way I left him in the office. In fact, he’s given me the silent treatment all week. It’s okay. It’s what I wanted.
    So I continue to make myself invisible, maintain a low profile, float through my days on campus—with the exception of Professor Sands’ class—and try to keep my panic attacks at bay.
    By the end of the second week , I’m physically, mentally, and emotionally spent. After class on Friday, I rush home, climb into my bed with iPod buds in my ears and a chocolate bar in my mouth, and shut myself off from the world. I doze in and out for the next hour.
    I’m still in my warm little nest when five rhythmic knocks on my apartment door give my dad away.
    Great. A surprise visit.
    “Hey, Dad.” I open the door, instantly feeling him taking inventory. Is she eating? Sleeping? Exercising? How’s her mood?
    He stands in my doorway with his button-down shirt hanging open, revealing some obscure ’80s concert tee. He’s humming an old Ramones song. He’s been doing that ever since I moved here. It must calm him before he has to deal with his emotionally disturbed offspring, but he’d never admit it.
    We plop on my couch and Dad leans in to put his lips to my forehead. “Congrats, Tab! You made it through the second week. How it going so far?”
    “It’s fine , Dad.” I try to be as pleasant as possible. Dad’s been through a lot with me these past few months. Not only was I completely silent my entire stay at New Beginnings, I didn’t break out of my protective, taciturn shell until I was here a month. Now I’m trying, and I’ll continue to try. For him.
    And, maybe, even for me.
    “You know, Dad.” I bump his shoulder. “You don’t need to have these motivational house calls at the end of each week.”
    “ I just want to make sure you’re okay, honey. You’ve been through a lot, but I want you to know you’re going to get through this, Tabitha. You will.”
    It’s Dad’s mantra. I think he hopes if he says it enough, it will be true. I nod and Dad takes hold of me. I rest my head on his chest—there’s no denying he makes me feel safe. After all, it was Dad who picked up the pieces and brought me back to the land of the living.
    “School is going surprisingly well, actually,” I tell him.
    “I’m so happy to hear it,” he says. “And Noah says your work at the paper is impeccable.”
    “I don’t know about that.” I laugh. “I’m just posting articles for the electronic edition. It’s not rocket science. So what are you and Amy up to this fine evening?”
    He looks at me with a funny grin . “Well, we were hoping to have you join us for dinner.”
    “Not tonight, Dad,” I say, fe eling guilty for declining after he came all the way over here.
    “Pl ease, honey.” The grin doesn’t leave his face.
    What is he up to?
    “I’d hate to break the news to Michael.” He pulls back his sleeve to look at his