Binary Star by Sarah Gerard Read Free Book Online Page A

is close to the ground.
    He shows me how to grip my club. I let him touch my hands but I don’t want to lead off.
    Then John can lead, he says.
    John used to play golf with his parents, but he wouldn’t tell our friend that. He didn’t want to come; he thinks he’s doing it for me, but I know we’re doing this for him.
    He’s hung over. I know that, too. He swings.
    Hit a skull.
    I didn’t mean to.
    You’re up second, says our friend.
    While I’m teeing, he tells John about his father. I’m notlistening. I make a straight line from my hands to my goal. I lick my finger and hold it to the sky. My hands are dry and cracked.
    What do you mean? says John.
    They’re disgusting. Half are crazy, half are drunk. None of them work.
    Our economy is broken, says John. They have no choices. They’re backed into a corner.
    I turn to them.
    An explosion. Earth everywhere. Backspin.
    Nice one.
    They’re a bunch of worthless bums, says our friend. They’re a waste.
    Maybe they’re not able to get jobs, says John.
    Yeah, that’s it.
    I don’t want a fucking job. You know what? I dropped out of business school.
    That was dumb.
    No, I had to. It was the only way I could live with myself.
    Our friend snickers. Hope you enjoy welfare.
    Fuck you.
    Or maybe you have a trust fund? You and I aren’t so different.
    Keep talking. See what happens.
    He’s got a short fuse, doesn’t he?
    Don’t talk to her.
    I’m just kidding. Look, John: we’re friends. He gets upset! I’m just kidding.
    I’m not friends with fucking bigots.
    Only drunks.
    John, stop.
    John’s club meets our friend’s ribcage. He falls to his knees.
    Let’s get the fuck out of here, John says. This guy’s a prick.
    You ruin everything. Why’d you do that?

    The red giant is a late stage of stellar evolution, when nuclear fusion has exhausted the hydrogen in its core.
    The core of the star turns degenerate.
    The star expands.
    The increase in size and brightness marks the beginning of the end.
    John drives north from Savannah and stops on the side of the freeway. He hasn’t said a word until now.
    I have to pee. Pee now if you have to.
    He turns on the hazards and I follow him down the embankment, past a sign advertising Subway, Church’s, Quiznos, Taco Bell, and McDonald’s, and one family-owned restaurant.
    We enter the woods.
    The trees hang low and barren and grey. The traffic dims to a hush. Dry leaves crackle beneath our shoes. We walk a distance and stop on either side of a fallen log.
    This is where people get raped.
    Turn around.
    Don’t look at me, either.
    I’m not looking.
    Don’t look.
    I squat against the cold bark of an oak and drop my head between my shoulders. I try to direct the stream of piss between my shoes but it splatters off the tree and I piss on my ankles.
    Son of a bitch.
    You piss on yourself?
    A little.
    John circles around to my side of the tree. He takes a clump of my hair in his hand.
    What are you doing?
    Fuck me against this tree, he says.
    I just pissed on it.
    So? He’s smiling. So don’t touch the piss.
    He leans against me.
    Stop it.
    Drop your pants.
    He kisses my neck.
    Drop them.
    I don’t want to. We left the car up there. Stop.
    He kisses me hard on the mouth. I hit my head on the wood and pain shoots through my neck. I slap him across the face.
    I said don’t touch me.
    Fine. Be a bitch.
    He walks away.
    Haven’t fucked me in I don’t know how long. And you taste like shit.
    I ask him to stop so that we can eat. He stops. I don’t eat anything.
    A binary star that is visual is rare. Its true separation is vast; its orbit measured in decades, centuries.
    It moves slowly.
    Did you see that asshole’s face? What a pussy.
    You shouldn’t have hit him.
    On our lunch break, I ride with my mentor to the supermarket. We both smoke cigarettes. I admire my arm out the window. The day is bright for fall on Long Island, and warm. I’m wearing an oversized Uniqlo sweater and a scarf with black Levi skinny jeans.