Blandings Castle and Elsewhere by P. G. Wodehouse Read Free Book Online Page B

destructive criticism from outsiders. And
I never want to see you again, Jane Yorke.'
    'Same here,' agreed Freddie. 'In Turkey they'd shove a girl like
that in a sack and drop her in the Bosphorus.'
    'I might as well go,' said Miss Yorke.
    'And don't come back,' said Freddie. 'The door is behind you.'
    The species of trance which had held Lord Emsworth in its
grip during the preceding conversational exchanges was wearing
off. And now, perceiving that Miss Yorke was apparently as
unpopular with the rest of the company as with himself, he
came gradually to life again. His recovery was hastened by the
slamming of the door and the spectacle of his son Frederick
clasping in his arms a wife who, his lordship had never forgotten,
was the daughter of probably the only millionaire in existence
who had that delightful willingness to take Freddie off his hands
which was, in Lord Emsworth's eyes, the noblest quality a
millionaire could possess.
    He sat up and blinked feebly. Though much better, he was
still weak.
    'What was your scenario about, sweetness?' asked Mrs
Freddie.
    'I'll tell you, angel-face. Or should we stir up the guv'nor?
He seems a bit under the weather.'
    'Better leave him to rest for awhile. That woman Jane Yorke
upset him.'
    'She would upset anybody. If there's one person I bar, it's the
blister who comes between man and wife. Not right, I mean,
coming between man and wife. My scenario's about a man and
wife. This fellow, you understand, is a poor cove – no money, if
you see what I mean – and he has an accident, and the hospital
blokes say they won't operate unless he can chip in with five
hundred dollars down in advance. But where to get it? You see
the situation?'
    'Oh, yes.'
    'Strong, what?'
    Awfully strong.'
    'Well, it's nothing to how strong it gets later on. The cove's
wife gets hold of a millionaire bloke and vamps him and lures
him to the flat and gets him to promise he'll cough up the cash.
Meanwhile, cut-backs of the doctor at the hospital on the
'phone. And she laughing merrily so as not to let the millionaire
bloke guess that her heart is aching. I forgot to tell you the cove
had to be operated on immediately or he would hand in his
dinner-pail. Dramatic, eh?'
    'Frightfully.'
    'Well, then the millionaire bloke demands his price. I thought
of calling it "A Woman's Price."'
    'Splendid.'
    And now comes the blow-out. They go into the bedroom
and— Oh, hullo, guv'nor! Feeling better?'
    Lord Emsworth had risen. He was tottering a little as he
approached them, but his mind was at rest.
    'Much better, thank you.'
    'You know my wife, what?'
    'Oh, Lord Emsworth,' said Mrs. Freddie, 'I'm so dreadfully
sorry. I wouldn't have had anything like this happen for the
world. But—'
    Lord Emsworth patted her hand paternally. Once more he
was overcome with astonishment that his son Frederick should
have been able to win the heart of a girl so beautiful, so sympathetic,
so extraordinarily rich.
    'The fault was entirely mine, my dear child. But—' He
paused. Something was plainly troubling him. 'Tell me,
when Frederick was wearing that beard – when Frederick was
– was – when he was wearing that beard, did he really look like
me?'
    'Oh, yes. Very like.'
    'Thank you, my dear. That was all I wanted to know. I
will leave you now. You will wish to be alone. You must come
down to Blandings, my dear child, at the very earliest
opportunity.'
    He walked thoughtfully from the room.
    'Does this hotel,' he inquired of the man who took him down
in the lift, 'contain a barber's shop?'
    'Yes, sir.'
    'I wonder if you would direct me to it?' said his lordship.
     
    Lord Emsworth sat in his library at Blandings Castle, drinking
that last restful whisky and soda of the day. Through the
open window came the scent of flowers and the little noises of
the summer night.
    He should have been completely at rest, for much had happened
since his return to sweeten life for him. Angus McAllister
had reported that the green-fly were yielding to