to Rain trying to form a complete thought left me speechless. Part of me wanted to tell her she needed to call them immediately but I knew she wouldn't, given everything she had told me about her relationship with them. She wasn't technically estranged from her family since she still emailed back and forth with her parents, but that was the only contact they seemed to have.
Jon poked his head out of the bunk when Rain's crying grew louder. I shook my head, silently pleading with him to stay back there. Rain needed to get this out of her system and she would lock up emotionally if anyone else were there to see. It was her M.O.
I slid her off my lap. "I'm going to grab you some water. Why don't you email him?" She nodded as she began composing her reply. I ducked into the bathroom to tell Tanya to do what she needed to do.
Me: Not tonight. Rain just got some bad news from home and she's going to need us with her. Do whatever you want...
After grabbing a bottle of water and two beers, I returned to the couch at the front of the bus. "Here, drink this." Rain crawled back into my lap as soon as I was comfortable. I had only seen her this fragile a few times, and it crushed me every time.
"I want the pain to stop," she sobbed. "Please, Colton, make it stop." Fuck, this isn't good.
In the years since she had come out of rehab, Rain had only slipped twice. The last time was when she got word that her mom had ovarian cancer. Both times, we were able to get her to talk to Travis's counselor friend without having to have her admitted.
To hear her tell it, drugs had never been recreational for her. They were a way to forget about the baggage she carried around on a daily basis.
I cupped her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. "I'll do whatever I can do, but you have to stop talking like that. You know you'll hate yourself even more if you do something stupid." I tightened my grip on her cheeks as I felt her trying to pull away from me. "Rain, you need to promise me. If I have to, I will be stuck to your ass like white on rice to make sure you don't slip again. You don't need it."
"It just hurts so fucking bad. Do you know what it's like to have a mom who hates you? Who can't even look at you without disgust in her eyes?" She buried her face in her hands, trying to stifle the uncontrollable sobs.
Her phone pinged, alerting her of a new email. I shamelessly read the message over her shoulder. I wanted to know exactly what was going on so I knew how to help her, even if that meant telling Jon we were going to be down a member for a while.
Madeline,
No, you don't need to rush home right now but it's not good. They're saying six months. There's a chance she can beat it this time, but the oncologist wasn't very optimistic.
~Dad
The man could have just as easily been emailing someone a stock report for all the tenderness his message contained. No matter what messed up issues they had, he could have set that aside to at least tell his only daughter that he loved her.
"What do you want to do?" I draped one of my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me while the other was across her back, rubbing her arm.
She brushed the tears from her cheeks and stood. "I'm going to get ready to do a show," she said confidently. I knew it was a facade but chose to let her do what she needed to do. That didn't mean I planned on letting her out of my sight when we were off this bus; there were far too many resources backstage for her to get her hands on cocaine.
As I watched her walk to the back of the bus, my phone chimed. I didn't have to look at it to know whom the new text was from.
Tanya: I'll give you tonight off, but you'll have to make it up to me.
I needed to find a way to get this cold-hearted bitch off my back and I needed to do it fast. There wasn't going to be any time that would be a good time with what Rain was going to be dealing with and she was my first priority, even if it was just as her
Jon poked his head out of the bunk when Rain's crying grew louder. I shook my head, silently pleading with him to stay back there. Rain needed to get this out of her system and she would lock up emotionally if anyone else were there to see. It was her M.O.
I slid her off my lap. "I'm going to grab you some water. Why don't you email him?" She nodded as she began composing her reply. I ducked into the bathroom to tell Tanya to do what she needed to do.
Me: Not tonight. Rain just got some bad news from home and she's going to need us with her. Do whatever you want...
After grabbing a bottle of water and two beers, I returned to the couch at the front of the bus. "Here, drink this." Rain crawled back into my lap as soon as I was comfortable. I had only seen her this fragile a few times, and it crushed me every time.
"I want the pain to stop," she sobbed. "Please, Colton, make it stop." Fuck, this isn't good.
In the years since she had come out of rehab, Rain had only slipped twice. The last time was when she got word that her mom had ovarian cancer. Both times, we were able to get her to talk to Travis's counselor friend without having to have her admitted.
To hear her tell it, drugs had never been recreational for her. They were a way to forget about the baggage she carried around on a daily basis.
I cupped her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. "I'll do whatever I can do, but you have to stop talking like that. You know you'll hate yourself even more if you do something stupid." I tightened my grip on her cheeks as I felt her trying to pull away from me. "Rain, you need to promise me. If I have to, I will be stuck to your ass like white on rice to make sure you don't slip again. You don't need it."
"It just hurts so fucking bad. Do you know what it's like to have a mom who hates you? Who can't even look at you without disgust in her eyes?" She buried her face in her hands, trying to stifle the uncontrollable sobs.
Her phone pinged, alerting her of a new email. I shamelessly read the message over her shoulder. I wanted to know exactly what was going on so I knew how to help her, even if that meant telling Jon we were going to be down a member for a while.
Madeline,
No, you don't need to rush home right now but it's not good. They're saying six months. There's a chance she can beat it this time, but the oncologist wasn't very optimistic.
~Dad
The man could have just as easily been emailing someone a stock report for all the tenderness his message contained. No matter what messed up issues they had, he could have set that aside to at least tell his only daughter that he loved her.
"What do you want to do?" I draped one of my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me while the other was across her back, rubbing her arm.
She brushed the tears from her cheeks and stood. "I'm going to get ready to do a show," she said confidently. I knew it was a facade but chose to let her do what she needed to do. That didn't mean I planned on letting her out of my sight when we were off this bus; there were far too many resources backstage for her to get her hands on cocaine.
As I watched her walk to the back of the bus, my phone chimed. I didn't have to look at it to know whom the new text was from.
Tanya: I'll give you tonight off, but you'll have to make it up to me.
I needed to find a way to get this cold-hearted bitch off my back and I needed to do it fast. There wasn't going to be any time that would be a good time with what Rain was going to be dealing with and she was my first priority, even if it was just as her
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