Blott On The Landscape by Tom Sharpe Read Free Book Online Page B

been discarded, her skirt was torn suggestively and she appeared to have lost two front teeth. With a brave attempt at a smile she collapsed on the pavement, and was filmed being dragged across the market square to the police station. “Help,” she screamed as the crowd parted. “Please help.” And help was forthcoming. A small dark figure hurtled out of the Courthouse and on to the larger of the two policemen. Inspired by Blott’s example several stallholders threw themselves into the fray. Hidden by the crowd from the cameras Lady Maud reasserted her authority. “Blott,” she said sternly, “let go of the constable’s ears.” Blott dropped to the ground and the stallholders fell back obediently. “Constables, do your duty,” said Lady Maud and led the way to the police station.
    Behind her the crowd turned its attention to Lord Leakham’s Rolls-Royce. Apples and tomatoes rained on the Old Courthouse. To roars of approval from the onlookers Blott attempted single-handed to turn the car over and was immediately joined by several dozen farmers. When Lord Leakham, escorted by a posse of policemen, emerged from the Courthouse it was to find his Rolls on its side. It took several baton charges to clear a way through the crowd and all the time the cameras recorded faithfully the public response to the proposed motorway through the Cleene Gorge. In Ferret Lane shop windows were broken. Outside the Goat and Goblet Lord Leakham was drenched with a pail of cold water. In the Abbey Close he was concussed by a portion of broken tombstone, and when he finally reached the Four Feathers the Fire Brigade had to be called to use their hoses to disperse the crowd that besieged the hotel. By that time the Rolls-Royce was on fire and groups of drunken youths roamed the streets demonstrating their loyalty to the Handyman family by smashing street lamps.
    In her cell in the police station Lady Maud removed her dentures from her pocket and smiled at the sounds of revelry. If the price of justice was eternal publicity she was assured of a fair trial. She had done what she had set out to do.

Chapter 6
    In London the Cabinet, meeting to cope with yet another turn for the worse in the balance of payments crisis, greeted the news of the disturbances in Worford less enthusiastically. The evening papers had headlined the arrest of an MP’s wife but it was left to the television news to convey to millions of homes the impression that Lady Maud was the victim of quite outrageous police brutality.
    “Oh my God,” said the Prime Minister as he watched her on the screen. “What the hell do they think they’ve been doing?”
    “It rather looks as if she’s lost a couple of teeth,” said the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs. “Is that a teat hanging out there?”
    Lady Maud smiled bravely and collapsed on to the pavement.
    “I shall institute a full investigation at once,” said the Home Secretary.
    “Who the hell appointed Leakham in the first place?” snarled the Prime Minister.
    “It seemed a suitably impartial appointment at the time,” murmured the Minister of the Environment. “As I remember it was thought that an Enquiry would satisfy local opinion.”
    “Satisfy …?” began the Prime Minister, only to be interrupted by a phone call from the Lord Chancellor who complained that the rule of law was breaking down and even after it was explained to him that Lord Leakham was a retired judge muttered mysteriously that the law was indivisible.
    The Prime Minister put the phone down and turned on the Minister of the Environment. “This is your pigeon. You got us into this mess. You get us out. Anyone would think we had an absolute majority.”
    “I’ll see what I can do,” said the Minister.
    “You’ll do better than that,” said the Prime Minister grimly. On the screen Lord Leakham’s Rolls-Royce was burning brilliantly.
    The Minister of the Environment hurried from the room and phoned the home number of his