Blurred Lines (Behind Closed Doors Book 2) by Erin Cawood Read Free Book Online Page B

him and he climbs on the bed beside me. I kiss him. I kiss him until a groans rumbles in his throat and he reluctantly pulls away.
    “Okay.” His voice is thick. His eyes burn with all the naughty things he wants to do. “You win.” He grins. It's a wicked grin and it sets off the butterflies in my stomach. “I'd rather have this.”
    I know the dance of anticipation in my tummy is supposed to be a good thing, but it really is not and I wonder if sex will ever be the same for us because right now...all I can see when I close my eyes is the guy who nearly killed me and ... well, there's part of me that wishes they'd never told me what he did to me while I was unconscious. Sometimes, it’s better not to know.
    “Precious?”
    I freeze. I didn't realize I'd mentally stepped back in time until Wayne's hand sweeps the hair away from my face. A shudder runs through me.
    His eyes search my expression. “Don't,” he whispers. “Don't go back there, Jules.” Eventually his eyes settle on the bruise on my face. “I'm so sorry, Julia. This is my fault. If I hadn't...” He looks away. “Then you wouldn't have ...” He shakes his head. “And he wouldn't... he could have killed you and it's my fault.”
    “If it wasn't me it would have been someone else,” I whisper. But in my head I know that's not true. I wasn't an opportunity, I was a target. He knew my name and he knew who I was engaged to. He was expecting me to drive down that road. He was waiting for me.
    Wayne's eyes meet mine again. “But I'd got the wrong guy.”
    “But the police make mistakes all the time. You're only human.”
    “Oh God, precious, I brought you into this life. I'm so sorry. You have to go back to New York. I'll get another job and I'll come back too but you can't be here. You're not safe.”
    “Don't do this to yourself, Wayne.” I shake my head. “You asked me to come with you. You didn't force me to and I choose to stay because I love you.”
    “It's going to drive me insane,” he whispers. “Not knowing if you're safe.”
    “I'm safer here than New York because I have you to protect me.”
    “I swear to you, I'll never ever do that to you again.” There are tears in his eyes again. “I'll never let anything bad happen to you again, Julia, I promise.”
    I know with every ounce of my being he will never break this promise to me. “Its okay, Wayne.” I draw his face towards me. “It doesn't matter in the bigger picture.” I want to kiss him. Tell him everything's going to be alright but it isn't. We had plans. There was a future we had mapped out and it's been obliterated. My lower lip trembles. It’s my fault we can't have what we want anymore. My eyes fill with tears. There is no volume to my voice as I say, “You wanted babies.”
    “No, precious, I only want you.”

 
     
     
     
     
    Chapter Seven
     
    Thursday afternoon a heavy uncomfortable sigh comes through the telephone's handset on speakerphone that's lying on my bed. I've just challenged Ashleigh's comment about Sean. They're best friends. For her to tell me he's jealous of another guy is unheard of. She doesn't see the green eyed monster the same way the rest of us do. But apparently, my brother is jealous… and possessive… and she’d like to know how long they have been dating for because she'd like some of the extra benefits that comes with dating if that's what he thinks they're doing!
    This is good, I tell myself. It's better than thinking about the children we won't have or the future we've lost. I also tell myself if I think about other things for a little while it won't seem so bad. But it does. Because the temporary distraction is like a dam and when I remember, the pain breaks through and it hits me with a tidal wave of sudden heartache and loss. I'm twenty-five and I won't ever have children. And then the tears start and I have to remind myself that it's not impossible for us to have children. It's just going to be really, really, really hard