Breaking News: An Autozombiography by N. J. Hallard Read Free Book Online

level three. We’ve come too far.’
    ‘ There isn’t a level three,’ Lou explained. Of course there wasn’t – why would there be? Al pushed the door open to the echoing sound of a dog howling for England. Our beagle. Lou forced past me and into the gloom of the car park. I saw her face drop. Peering into Al’s car was the kid with the hoodie and the headphones.
    ‘ Oi, Asboy!’ Al shouted. The kid didn’t move. My eyes were starting to get used to the light, but I could barely make out his features. Al had set the radios down and was strutting towards the young man.
    ‘ Oi, Workhouse!’ he yelled again, louder. I’d honestly never heard him shout before. The kid stood up straight. He looked at Al, cocked his head slightly, and started ambling towards us. I almost breathed a sigh of relief that he was walking normally, but I was starting to make out swollen blisters that cut across his pale cheeks, under his nose and around his slack mouth. Floyd had stopped barking and was now wagging his tail enthusiastically at the sight of us.
    ‘ Dude you stink!’ Al said as the youth came closer. ‘Ooh, you’re not right. You’re all messed up.’ He started to back away but the lad bared his teeth, so Al thumped him soundly on the nose which sent him spinning to the ground. He was sprawled out awkwardly, his chest heaving a bubbling wheeze as Al blipped the Audi’s central locking, jumped over the kid and up to the car, waggling his right hand like it was hot before opening the door. Sitting low he turned to say something to Floyd who was bouncing about in the boot. Then he started the car, fired up a little stub of a joint from the ashtray, and looked at us.
    ‘ Come on then!’
    Lou pulled Susie towards the car as I called ‘shotgun’. They were soon in the back seat.
    ‘ Come on, for fuck’s sakes!’ Al revved, Floyd barked, Lou beckoned furiously at me.
    The kid got up, and I drew a sharp breath. His eyes were dead, but his chest still gave off a bubbling sound. I was frozen. A childhood nightmare flashed in front of me; my feet sticking to the pavement as my mum and brother walked ahead. As they get further away, I am screaming but no sound comes out. They are soon too far down the street to hear anyway. I look to my right, to a high red-brick wall stretching as far up as the clouds. There is just one window, at head height right where I am stuck. Through it I see a stuffed owl perched on a branch, dead leaves scattered around. I hear huge, booming footsteps behind me. That’s when I would wake up, damp and tearful, scared to call out in case nothing came out of my mouth.
    I found myself standing breathlessly next to Al’s car, the door handle in my grip, water bottle under one arm. I got in, blinking. The lad was still facing the spot where I had been standing. Al gunned the engine and roared past him towards the exit, then stopped the car and turned to me.
    ‘ What the fuck are you doing?’ Lou screeched. ‘He’s coming!’
    ‘ Grab the radios chum,’ he jabbed his finger at my door. I looked out of my window – he could have got a bit closer.
    ‘ Fucking hell, they’re miles away.’
    ‘ Well, you should get a move on, then,’ Al grinned. I flung the door open, and ran to the rack of radios on the ground. I couldn’t help but turn to see where the kid was, and wished I hadn’t. I ran for the car but as I approached Al moved a few metres forward and waited for me to catch up, before lurching again as I put a hand to the door. Lou found it highly amusing, but when he did it a third time, I punched his roof. He got out.
    ‘ What the fuck was that for?’ he asked, indignantly.
    ‘ Jesus! That’s how people get eaten! Don’t fuck about, not today.’ I got in the car and slammed the door.
    ‘ Okay - because of all the zombies around.’ Al sat back down and slipped the car into gear.
    ‘ Oh, and you think that kid’s got a bad case of doggie fever? Do me a lemon.’ The radios were