Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties: Do Your Relationships Produce Bondage or Joy? by Bill Banks, Susan Banks Read Free Book Online Page B

ways: through aggression (forcefully demanding submission to one’s will), and through weakness and need (submission through guilt). Either way, ungodly “strings” can become attached to one’s soul.
    Controlling people are very selfish and want their needs met. This is the opposite of the Christian who is to serve, like Jesus , who came not to be served, but to serve.
    Ye know that they that... rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them... But so shall it not be among you : but whosoever will be great among you... shall be servant of all.
    Mark 10:42–44
    The one attempting to control you or others around him usually is motivated himself by some type of fear, often a fear of rejection. This fear frequently is rooted in abandonment experienced during childhood. Thus the goal of the one who is abusing you is to exercise control over his circumstances so that no one can hurt or reject him again.
    The need for love and acceptance is far too great for anyone to fill. Because it is often a void or need rooted in abandonment from childhood, 1 it can only be filled by the love of an earthly father or resolved by the supernatural ministry of the Spirit through lovingly administered deliverance.
    Although the controlling person may be a professing Christian, he or she has not fully yielded to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit doesn’t coerce; He gently and lovingly leads, following the pattern set by the Good Shepherd.
    Parents may attempt to manipulate married children into spending the holidays with them. The daughter for example may have to tell her mother that she has to go to her husband’s family for Christmas. The reaction may be quite emotional with tears and exclamations such as, “You don’t love us anymore!” Another response may be anger, which catches newlyweds by surprise. It may even include name calling or threats, implied or actually stated.
    Death and life are in the power of the tongue...
    Prov. 18:21a
    Words can hurt, even when we are adults. Veiled or non-veiled threats can hurt. “If you don’t come here for Christmas, don’t bother coming back later.” “If you don’t come here for Thanksgiving, you’ll no longer be my son [or my daughter].” “Don’t expect me to help with your college bills any longer.” “If you don’t honor your family, you’ll never succeed.”
    Another devious ploy is “giving the silent treatment;” to stop talking to the offending person, to cut off all communication. This is ungodly, and hurtful. A single strand of string won’t prevent you from pulling away, but if you allow someone to tie you with twelve strands of string, you are just as bound as if you had been bound with a twelve-stranded rope.
    When you realize that there are “strings” attached to something that someone offers to you, or offers to do for you, this should cause an immediate check. The key to maintaining freedom is to resist the first string as soon as you discern it, even if it is only slightly restrictive of your freedom. There is an applicable principle in the Scriptures concerning spiritual warfare which I love to quote:
    The roaring of the lion, and the voice of the fierce lion, and the teeth of the young lions, are broken .
    Job 4:10
    Many of us would feel inadequate to go up against a full-grown lion in his strength, but feel we could handle a young lion cub. We can kill the young lions, or pull their teeth . We can remove today the fangs that might later kill us, by dealing with them in advance.
    The useful principle here is this: fight the battle while your enemies are still small ; do not let your enemies grow up. Do not let them become strongly entrenched.
    This is especially true in regard to ungodly soul-ties. If you begin to feel that there is something unhealthy about a relationship, nip it in the bud! Withdraw yourself, pull back to safety, and regroup. While involved in a controlling relationship, it is very difficult to even get a good perspective upon your own