Brief Tales From The Bench by Henry Cecil Read Free Book Online Page A

got to do with the case?’ I asked.
    ‘Your honour, you asked for an example of something strange. It was the first I could think of.’
    ‘Quite right, Mr Faulkner,’ I said. ‘I apologise. Now let’s get on. Mr Morris, d’you say you had a wristwatch on when you were assaulted?’
    ‘I do, your honour.’
    ‘And that this was the watch?’
    ‘Yes, your honour.’
    ‘No doubt about it?’
    ‘None at all, your honour.’
    ‘Very well then, pray continue, Mr Faulkner.’
    ‘I suggest to you, Mr Morris,’ went on Mr Faulkner, ‘that you are deliberately telling a lie.’
    ‘Can you tell a lie by mistake, Mr Faulkner?’ I asked. ‘You can tell an untruth by accident, but a lie is surely a deliberate untruth, isn’t it?’
    ‘I plead guilty to a pleonasm,’ said Mr Faulkner. ‘Now, Mr Morris, when you say that this is the watch which was damaged by my client, you’re telling a lie, aren’t you?’
    ‘Certainly not.’
    ‘I suggest to you, Mr Morris, that you acquired this watch three days ago, from the landlord of the Barclay Arms, Trenton.’
    ‘Nonsense,’ said Mr Morris.
    ‘Let Mr Carr stand up, please,’ said Mr Faulkner, and a man stood up in the back of the court. ‘D’you see that gentleman?’ went on Mr Faulkner.
    ‘I do.’
    ‘Have you seen him before?’
    ‘I have.’
    ‘He’s the landlord of the Barclay Arms, isn’t he?’
    ‘I know. I often have a drink there.’
    At that stage, Mr Carr spoke up from the back of the court:
    ‘Look,’ he shouted, ‘I don’t want to get involved in this. I–’
    But the usher broke in with: ‘Silence in court.’
    ‘Mr Faulkner,’ I asked, ‘are you calling that gentleman as a witness?’
    ‘I am, your honour.’
    ‘Well, would you please tell him to keep quiet until his turn comes.’
    ‘I don’t want my turn to come,’ shouted Mr Carr.
    ‘Silence in court,’ said the usher.
    ‘Keep quiet, sir,’ I said.
    ‘Why should I be mixed up in their affairs?’ shouted Mr Carr.
    I asked Mr Carr to come forward, and he did so.
    ‘Now, Mr Carr, you are the landlord of the Barclay Arms?’
    ‘Yes, sir,’ he said, ‘I am, and I want to get back there.’
    ‘I dare say you do, Mr Carr,’ I said, ‘but, if you’re a witness, I’m afraid you’ll have to remain.’
    ‘It isn’t fair,’ said Mr Carr. ‘There’s a lot to do to get ready for opening, and I’ve only got a young boy who knows nothing about it to help me.’
    ‘I’m extremely sorry,’ I said.
    ‘Some people think pubs run themselves,’ went on Mr Carr. ‘Well, they don’t. There’s a hell of a lot of work to do, or we’d go bust in no time.’
    ‘You’re not in your public house now, Mr Carr,’ I said, ‘and you’re not to talk like that. I know it’s inconvenient for people sometimes, but the courts couldn’t be carried on unless witnesses could be compelled to attend.’
    ‘I quite understand that, your honour,’ said Mr Carr, ‘in a case of importance. Murder or something. But this petty squabble shouldn’t involve other people. If they were sensible, it could be settled over a pint.’
    ‘That could well be, Mr Carr,’ I said, ‘but I’m afraid I can’t discuss the matter any more. Kindly sit down and keep quiet.’
    So the disgruntled Mr Carr went back to his seat in the court, and Mr Faulkner continued to question Mr Morris.
    ‘Mr Morris,’ he asked, ‘did you not buy this watch from Mr Carr for £4 three nights ago?’
    ‘Nonsense, why should I?’
    ‘You’re not supposed to ask me questions,’ said Mr Faulkner, ‘but I don’t mind answering that one. If my client didn’t damage any watch of yours, you might want to increase the damages by pretending that he did. I suggest that’s what you’ve done.’
    ‘If I never speak another word,’ said Mr Morris loudly, ‘I tell you that he broke my watch when he lashed out at me. It’s absolutely true, your honour.’
    He said it very convincingly. I said as much, and added: ‘I