Broken: Book 1 of the Scars and Sorrow Saga by Mary E. Palmerin Read Free Book Online Page B

cigarette, trying my best not to swerve off of the one lane gravel road. I see the bright red of his brake lights and I push on mine to allow my car to come to a halt. My heart feels like it is about to explode. The alcohol isn’t helping this time, it has only made the anxiety worse. I wish I had some cocaine to snort before he makes me his again.
    He walks up to my car door with his chest out and his hands on his belt buckle.
    “I’ve missed you, Lyla.”
    I don’t respond. I can’t because I know that no matter what I decide to say, it won’t change his mind. He has the evidence against me. He’s blackmailed me and it worked. I will not allow anyone or anything take my scholarships and one way ticket out of Rigdon away from me. So, I repeat the line over and over in my head again… take it like a good girl.
    Fifteen minutes later I still taste him in my mouth. For once, I am glad that he didn’t have sex with me. He decided that he preferred oral during this encounter. I know that it has started again, his taking of me when he wants. The fucked up part is, he thinks that one day we will be together. What kind of sick man is he?
    • • •
    It is past midnight and I know Rick is up waiting for me on the porch. I’m drunk, but I have an excellent way of hiding it, not to mention a pack of peppermint gum and body spray to hide the stench.
    “Until next time, baby.”
    “Fuck off.”
    I mentally high five myself, unable to realize the amount of courage that I had to say such a thing to Davis. I try to tell myself it is more like a job, a job that I must do for months until I leave and never look back. Now comes the hard part of knowing that the blades are tucked mysteriously beneath my mattress. They have never been found by my parents and I have succeeded at avoiding them thus far, but I am certain that I will have a reunion with them tonight. A reunion that will be unforgettable and addicting again.
    I start the engine of my car and speed off, kicking dust and rocks into the face of the man that robs me. I don’t have tears or sadness any longer. My mind is set on the actions that will soon take place to remind me why I am wasted for any other for the rest of my life. Enough pain to make me forget Davis, Nathan and Bill, for the time being at least.
    Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Please give me strength to persevere through this living hell.

8
Regression with a Vengeance
    I sweet talk my way through Rick and convince him that I was having a splendid time with the good girls from Rigdon. He’s harder to convince than Momma, but considering the shit storm I put them through a few months before, I know he wouldn’t have a problem confronting me if he suspected something.
    I make my way through the front door after a conversation with Rick, patting myself on my back for not slurring my words, and head up the stairs to the second floor to my room. I am trying to replay my mantra over and over in my head and tell myself all the reasons why I don’t need to cut, but it doesn’t matter. What is done is done. I was sure before, but I am beyond certain now. I am positive that I radiate a trait that makes me be unlovable to all except for my family. They don’t really have a choice, so their love doesn’t count.
    I don’t believe in fairy tales or love, not the relationship kind of love. I only recognize that in cheesy one star films, Lifetime movies, poems, and novels that make me sob as I feel the emotions of happiness until I have reached the last page, and reality punches me in the face hard, making me wake up and realize it isn’t in the cards for me. My existence is real life, not those words, though I still get lost in the stories and find a bit of contentment for the hours as the tale forms images and plays out in my mind.
    I shake the joyful thoughts as my hand turns the knob on my door. I open it and go into autopilot mode.
    Shut the door and lock it. Take ten steps forward and lift. Grab the