“She’ll probably go to one of her boyfriends’ . I really don’t care.”
“I should probably go.” He pulled back a little to look me in the eye. “You sure you’ll be all right?”
Without even thinking, I said, “Yeah. I’ll probably have the best night’s sleep I’ve had since I got here. I feel pretty good actually.” But I felt like the worst was not yet over between Charlotte and me. I knew that down to my bones.
“If you need anything, call me. And I’ll call you tomorrow.” He kissed me on the forehead, but why wouldn’t he just kiss me full on?
“Good night, Ethan,” I said, and I wondered if I sounded as dreamy to him as I did to myself.
He left and the room felt empty and lonely, even if it did feel nice without Charlotte. Adrenaline was still pumping through my veins when I put on pajamas and crawled into bed. At first, I was worried that Charlotte would come crashing back into our room and pull me out of bed. And then I realized maybe I had been stupid and lost my opportunity with Ethan. Maybe he needed encouragement. Maybe I should have just done the kissing myself, planted my lips on his full ones and cut loose. Or maybe I should have told him I didn’t feel safe and that I wanted him to stay with me. But…being virginal me and wanting to protect my virtue, I didn’t even consider it until later as I lay in my bed, wondering what misstep I had taken.
Aside from that, though, I’d had a great night with Ethan and thought maybe… maybe I might have a chance with him.
Chapter Five
CHARLOTTE MOVED OUT all right, just as she’d promised. She did it over the weekend, and while I lay on my bed studying, listening to one of As I Lay Dying’s albums on my iPod, she didn’t say a word. Sure enough, there was a guy helping her haul her stuff out. I smiled at them both, but Charlotte wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. Well, it was her decision, and I wasn’t too upset about it, but I didn’t want to be a total jerk about it. Twice when she was walking through the room, she “accidentally” bumped my things, like a bottle of cologne and a picture, knocking them to the floor, probably hoping they’d break. I felt nervous enough that I asked our RA if the girl had turned in her key to our room, and I didn’t sleep well until I’d verified it. The RA assured me she had moved to another floor with another poor soul to torture.
And in the following weeks, Ethan never even came close to laying a hand on me and his lips didn’t get near mine again. But we did attend basketball games together, eat together, and study together (although we talked more than we studied). We started spending so much time together, I began considering him my best college friend. And if that meant nothing else would ever happen between us, I’d be okay with that. We had an understanding, a common bond, and our friendship was growing stronger every day. I’d be okay with just friends.
I was becoming more and more anxious to see his band Bullet. Ethan talked about it a lot, and I told him I was excited. One afternoon, we were in the library , both logged onto computers because we’d been doing research for papers, and I reminded him about the fact that I suspected Bullet was a name that had already been taken. And while Ethan might have been okay with that, I just wanted him to be aware. So we looked it up, and sure enough, Bullet was taken by more than one band. Ethan was bummed and then started searching for other names for bands having to do with ammo, like Full Metal Jacket (which he didn’t want anyway, because it belonged to a movie), and other things. He was shocked at all of the names that were taken. “Don’t worry, though, Val. I’ll figure something out. Except I don’t know how I’ll tell the guys.” I looked at him, perhaps with a little too much eagerness. He started laughing, then
Scott Andrew Selby, Greg Campbell