Calamity Jayne Heads West by Kathleen Bacus Read Free Book Online Page B

Yoda.
    “Tressa Jayne! Good to see you!” Uncle Ben gave me a tight bear hug. “Found any more dead bodies lately?” he asked with a broad smile and another hard squeeze.
    I shook my head. “They’re getting harder to come by, Uncle Ben,” I replied. “But I’m always on the lookout.”
    He laughed. “Same ol’ Tressa,” he said.
    Aunt Kay put an arm around Taylor and one around me. “Just look at you two girls. All grown up. Yourcousin Sophie is so excited to see you. She would have come, but she had classes.”
    Sophie, my aunt and uncle’s only child had recently turned twenty-one, and was in her second year at North-ern Arizona University studying business. Three years ago Sophie had been—how to put this—on the robust side, taking after Uncle Ben’s side of the family. Quiet and shy, Sophie had been easy to overlook. Well, apart from her size, that is. Sophie held the distinction of being only the second person ever to best me in a roasting-ear eating contest. She was more efficient at removing the kernels on those cobs than a brand-new John Deere combine.
    “I’m anxious to see Sophie again, too,” I said, won-dering if she’d finally won the battle of the bulge and, if so, whether she would let her favorite cousin, Tressa, in on her little weight-loss secret.
    We collected our baggage and decided on seat as-signments for the two-hour climb from the valley to Flagstaff. Rick’s father, Don, had made arrangements to rent a Suburban for the trip up the mountain. It held nine, but with luggage that dropped to seven. Gram wanted to ride with her daughter so they could discuss wedding plans. Twin sister or not, my dad wanted no part of a two-hour wedding chat, so he decided to re-serve a seat in Uncle Ben’s vehicle, slow-going or not. Craig concurred, so the group split along gender lines. My grandma, mother, sister, and sister-in-law were with Aunt Kay; my dad and brother were with Uncle Ben. I opted for a quiet, peaceful ride and snagged a seat with Uncle Ben. One of the Townsends would have to ride in our vehicle as well. Glutton for punishment that I was, I volunteered Ranger Rick. When given the opportunity, I always opt for the scenic route.
    I grabbed Townsend’s hand to haul him toward Un-cle Ben’s vehicle. “You’re with us,” I told him. “It willgive you the perfect opportunity to put into motion what we talked about earlier,” I added, for fear he would get the idea that I wanted him along purely for his purty face. What an ego.
    Townsend got a confused look. “Come again?” he said.
    “Craig,” I hissed, pulling Rick along. “You know. El bambino. La niña. The baby. Fatherhood. Baseball. Apple pie. Chevrolet.”
    I could tell I’d lost him.
    “I’ll draw you a picture in the car,” I said, thinking it was maybe a good idea to also write a script for him. Sometimes men were so uninspired.
    We were about to pile into our respective cars when I heard, “I want to ride with Tressa.” I looked down to see Nick Townsend standing by our car.
    “Don’t youmean Taylor?” I asked. He shook his head.
    “No. I want to ride with you,” he said.
    A whiff of the smelly middle-schooler hit the ol’ ol-factory, and I fought to keep from gagging.
    “That’s so sweet, Nicky,” I said, “but your Uncle Rick is riding with us and there won’t be room. Maybe on the way back,” I promised, deciding that my Uncle Frank’s Slurpees would be served in Hades before that happened.
    “That’s okay,” Townsend said, backing away from his ripe nephew. “You go ahead, Nick. I’ll ride with Grandpa.”
    I shot Townsend an I’ll get you for this look.
    “Fine,” I said. “You’ll want to change that shirt first, though. Right, dude?” I added.
    “Naw. I’m good,” Pepe Le Pew said, and piled into the back of Uncle Ben’s SUV. He patted the seat be-side him. “All aboard, Tressa!” he said, and I muttered a few not-intended-for-younger-audiences words un-der my breath and