Caring Is Creepy by David Zimmerman Read Free Book Online Page B
Authors: David Zimmerman
button.
“Your stomach?” I said, carefully.
“Somewhere inside there. Maybe it’s my womb. It’s a kind of tickly-itchy feeling. I can’t quite explain it.”
“Your womb itches?” Something about this cracked me up and I giggled.
“Don’t act like such a baby. I’m serious. I think it might be, I don’t know, unnatural maybe.”
“Well, my womb doesn’t itch.”
Upstairs, her mom stomped across the living room. A faucet turned on and off.
“I don’t think I’m supposed to want it this much,” Dani whispered to me without moving her lips and then glanced up at the ceiling as though her mom might be squatting on the floor, listening with a drinking glass pressed to the linoleum.
“But you haven’t even done it before. How do you know that’s what it is you want so bad?” I put a hand on my belly and tried to feel around inside my womb with my mind. “Maybe you’re just constipated again, like when you had to get the enema treatment.”
Dani sat up to pick a piece of pink sock fluff out from between her toes. “Ever since I kissed Wayne Keegan last month, I’ve been feeling like this.”
“You told me his mouth tasted like cheddar cheese.”
“That’s the mystery of it.” She put a fist under her chin. Her look said:
I am now assuming a thoughtful expression
. “It wasn’t Wayne, exactly. Just the act of kissing. I think it started a chemical reaction. You know, inside. Now it will never stop and I’ll have to keep doing it and doing it.”
“Well, don’t do it with Wayne Keegan. He’ll tell everyone.”
“I didn’t say I was going to do it with anybody. I just said I wanted to. Sometimes, Lynn, you’re so literal. I can’t believe I even try with you.”
“I’d want to do it too, but only if the right guy came around.”
“You’re just saying that. You’ll probably stay a virgin till you’re thirty.” Dani closed her eyes and shook her head. Her mom did the exact same thing to Dani when she was frustrated with her. I had the urge to tell her this, but then the half-fight we were having would turn into a whole fight and I wasn’t up to fighting with Dani that day.
“I do, too,” I said, not sure at all if I did. “Really. Just not with someone from our school.”
“Of course not,” Dani said, sitting up and becoming even more serious. “I told you before, your type shouldn’t even be in high school. Your type is at least a college sophomore.” She studied my face like an
Us Weekly
photo spread. “Have you even looked at that sheet I made you?”
“That’s what I’m talking about. If I did it, I’d want a college sophomore. Maybe some guy from Georgia Southern.”
“Hah!” Dani said, flicking me on the knee hard enough to sting. “I knew you hadn’t read it. I was testing you. I said your type was a college freshman. You’re not mature enough for a sophomore.”
“And you are?”
“Sometimes,” Dani said, closing her eyes again and shaking her head, “I don’t think you get me at all.”
“You know, Dani,” I said, and then it slipped right out, “your mom does that exact same thing where she closes her eyes and shakes her head like that.” I did a little imitation. “Exactly the same as what you’re doing now. She did it to you at dinner tonight when you told her—”
Dani made a loud, shrill sound.
Three-Day Rule
I broke the three-day rule out of boredom and general all around twitchiness about this Hayes weirdness, and then more boredom heaped on top. The house felt stuffy and smaller than normal. The window air conditioner in the living room wasn’t working right again. It made coughing sounds and the air coming out was barely cool. I watched TV. I read my mom’s back issues of
Cosmopolitan
from the stack in the bathroom. I walked in circles and talked to myself. I was about driven crazy with nervous energy and nowhere to put it. If you looked at it this way, and I did, I had no choice but to break the three-day
“Your stomach?” I said, carefully.
“Somewhere inside there. Maybe it’s my womb. It’s a kind of tickly-itchy feeling. I can’t quite explain it.”
“Your womb itches?” Something about this cracked me up and I giggled.
“Don’t act like such a baby. I’m serious. I think it might be, I don’t know, unnatural maybe.”
“Well, my womb doesn’t itch.”
Upstairs, her mom stomped across the living room. A faucet turned on and off.
“I don’t think I’m supposed to want it this much,” Dani whispered to me without moving her lips and then glanced up at the ceiling as though her mom might be squatting on the floor, listening with a drinking glass pressed to the linoleum.
“But you haven’t even done it before. How do you know that’s what it is you want so bad?” I put a hand on my belly and tried to feel around inside my womb with my mind. “Maybe you’re just constipated again, like when you had to get the enema treatment.”
Dani sat up to pick a piece of pink sock fluff out from between her toes. “Ever since I kissed Wayne Keegan last month, I’ve been feeling like this.”
“You told me his mouth tasted like cheddar cheese.”
“That’s the mystery of it.” She put a fist under her chin. Her look said:
I am now assuming a thoughtful expression
. “It wasn’t Wayne, exactly. Just the act of kissing. I think it started a chemical reaction. You know, inside. Now it will never stop and I’ll have to keep doing it and doing it.”
“Well, don’t do it with Wayne Keegan. He’ll tell everyone.”
“I didn’t say I was going to do it with anybody. I just said I wanted to. Sometimes, Lynn, you’re so literal. I can’t believe I even try with you.”
“I’d want to do it too, but only if the right guy came around.”
“You’re just saying that. You’ll probably stay a virgin till you’re thirty.” Dani closed her eyes and shook her head. Her mom did the exact same thing to Dani when she was frustrated with her. I had the urge to tell her this, but then the half-fight we were having would turn into a whole fight and I wasn’t up to fighting with Dani that day.
“I do, too,” I said, not sure at all if I did. “Really. Just not with someone from our school.”
“Of course not,” Dani said, sitting up and becoming even more serious. “I told you before, your type shouldn’t even be in high school. Your type is at least a college sophomore.” She studied my face like an
Us Weekly
photo spread. “Have you even looked at that sheet I made you?”
“That’s what I’m talking about. If I did it, I’d want a college sophomore. Maybe some guy from Georgia Southern.”
“Hah!” Dani said, flicking me on the knee hard enough to sting. “I knew you hadn’t read it. I was testing you. I said your type was a college freshman. You’re not mature enough for a sophomore.”
“And you are?”
“Sometimes,” Dani said, closing her eyes again and shaking her head, “I don’t think you get me at all.”
“You know, Dani,” I said, and then it slipped right out, “your mom does that exact same thing where she closes her eyes and shakes her head like that.” I did a little imitation. “Exactly the same as what you’re doing now. She did it to you at dinner tonight when you told her—”
Dani made a loud, shrill sound.
Three-Day Rule
I broke the three-day rule out of boredom and general all around twitchiness about this Hayes weirdness, and then more boredom heaped on top. The house felt stuffy and smaller than normal. The window air conditioner in the living room wasn’t working right again. It made coughing sounds and the air coming out was barely cool. I watched TV. I read my mom’s back issues of
Cosmopolitan
from the stack in the bathroom. I walked in circles and talked to myself. I was about driven crazy with nervous energy and nowhere to put it. If you looked at it this way, and I did, I had no choice but to break the three-day