Casket for Sale, Only Used Once by Jeff Strand Read Free Book Online Page A

large knife with a serrated edge dangled from his belt, and he wore a rather nice tie that matched his shirt.
    Smoke billowed from the overturned camper, and I couldn't see Helen, Kyle, and Theresa behind it.
    "Look at this mess you made," said Goblin, gesturing toward the camper and damaged trucks as he walked over to us. "That was pretty damn stupid. I should have Troll cut you up for that."
    Troll flashed me a rotten-toothed grin.
    Helen stepped into view from behind the camper, staggering. She held Kyle's and Theresa's hands. The big guy (five hundred pounds, at least) I assumed was Ogre was behind them, along with a kid who looked about twenty.
    "Oh, yeah, he could cut you up real nice," said Goblin. "Make you look as bad as he does. Do you have a special attachment to any of those fingers of yours? How about your nose?" He flicked my nose with his index finger. "Would you mind so terribly if he sliced off your nose?"
    I didn't respond.
    "What about the kids' noses? Would you like that?" He looked over at Theresa and Kyle, and then back at me. "They're yours, right? They sorta look like you. Let's just hope they grow up with better problem-solving skills."
    Goblin didn't seem particularly worried about any other vehicles approaching, so clearly they'd blocked off the road. He also didn't seem concerned about Samantha's escape, which probably wasn't a good sign.
    "Don't you have anything clever to say?" Goblin asked me. "You were pretty clever in the camper. You made the marshmallow comment, remember? Joking in the face of danger. Pretty brave. Say something clever now."
    "A husband and wife were both fortune tellers who desperately needed money, so they decided to have a kid. Do you know why?"
    Goblin frowned. "Why?"
    "To make a little prophet."
    Goblin stared at me.
    "I made that up," I said.
    "Just now?"
    "No. But I thought it was pretty clever. Your turn."
    Goblin smiled. "Sure. Troll, do me a favor and slice off his hand. Is that clever enough for you?"
    Troll handed his shotgun to Goblin, keeping it pointed at me, then withdrew the knife from his belt.
    Then Joe ran out of the camper, still covered in the blanket. It was, in fact, Kyle's blanket, featuring the children's television abomination Zany the Chipper Chipmunk . The poor dog ran in circles, desperately trying to get untangled.
    Goblin and the others watched with amusement.
    "Don't hurt Joe!" Kyle wailed.
    "Don't hurt Joe?" Goblin asked. "How about I put Joe out of his misery?"
    Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Helen move. She kicked Ogre exactly where I'm sure he least wanted to be kicked, where he had no blubber to protect him, and she kicked hard . The behemoth dropped to his knees and howled in agony.
    In a flash, Helen, Theresa, and Kyle fled toward the woods, followed by the kid.
    I swung the Wiffle bat as hard as I could, smacking Witch on the side of the head. You'd be amazed what kind of impact you can get with one of those things. Though Witch didn't drop her shotgun, she definitely felt some pain.
    Roger smacked Troll with the fishing pole, which snapped in half.
    Goblin spun around and aimed the shotgun at Helen.
    Fired.
    As I lunged at him, he spun the shotgun back at me, catching me in the face with the barrel. I fell to the ground.
    Troll stabbed at Roger with the knife, missing by millimeters.
    Goblin pressed the barrel of the shotgun against my chest.
    I watched as Ogre got to his feet and hurried off into the woods with surprising speed for somebody so large. I couldn't see Helen, but I heard her shouting for Theresa and Kyle to run faster, shouting with far too much energy for her to have been shot.
    Goblin pushed down hard on the shotgun, grinding the hot barrel into my chest. I let out a yelp of pain.
    Something happened to Roger. I didn't see what. He fell to the ground next to me.
    A gunshot fired in the woods.
    Then another.
    "What do you think? I bet that second one went through your daughter's fucking skull!" Goblin sneered, raised