Casper Candlewacks in the Attack of the Brainiacs! by Ivan Brett Read Free Book Online Page B

along.”
    â€œYou wrote your own review when he was sozzled?” Casper couldn’t hold back a chuckle.
    â€œI only gave myself three stars,” Julius said, rubbing his forehead. “Didn’t want to give myself away.”
    â€œDad, that’s amazing.”
    â€œIt’s cheating, Casp.” He rifled through the shoebox again, lifting out a small crumpled newspaper column. “Look what happened.”
    ----
    Top Critic Hounded out of France
    Jean-Claude D’Escargot has been forced to flee France after committing the only crime still punishable by guillotine: complimenting an Englishman’s food. In his recent tour of England he described one meal as being ‘Not zat bad.’ His comment sparked violent riots in Paris, resulting in the toppling of the Arc de Triomphe and another revolution. The fact that his review was written in English added insult to injury. The President of France was allegedly on the verge of declaring war on D’Escargot late last night, but decided against it after a steadying glass of Sancerre. On returning to Calais by ferry this morning and finding himself pelted with dynamite-filled croissants at thearrivals lounge, D’Escargot dived headfirst into the harbour and disappeared underwater. There have been no sightings since.
----
    â€œHe deserved it,” said Casper.
    â€œI ruined his life, Casp. Nobody deserves that.”
    Casper noticed his dad’s fingers were shaking as he picked out a small cream envelope. “Two weeks later I got this.”
    Inside, a square of paper held a single word.
    Revanche
    â€œYou probably think it’s nonsense. Or some sort of code.” Julius smiled knowingly.
    â€œIt’s French for ‘revenge’,” said Casper.
    â€œWell, no. I looked it up. It’s French, you see.”
    Casper sighed.
    â€œIt means ‘revenge’,” his father explained.
    â€œBut how long ago did you get that letter?”
    â€œThree years ago,” murmured Julius, staring at the wall. “Took me two years to work out the meaning. That word has haunted my dreams every single night since. Revenge . I knew he’d come for me eventually. Looks like he finally has.”
    â€œBut hang on, why didn’t you recognise him earlier? I mean, if he’s haunted your dreams for years…”
    â€œWell, it seems obvious now ,” Julius snorted. “You’d be surprised what a shave and a change of hat can do to a man. Anyway, I thought all French people looked the same.”
    â€œNot all of them, Dad. Only Jean-Claude and Renée, and that’s because they’re the same person.Perhaps if you’d noticed that, we wouldn’t be in this hole now.” With a grimace, Casper put the lid on the shoebox and slid it away from them. “So. What do we do?”
    â€œThere’s only one thing we can do. We close the restaurant, we pack our suitcases and we leave for Africa.”
    â€œAfrica? Are you mad?”
    â€œIsn’t that far enough? Fine, what’s that place with all the penguins? Mexico, that’s it. Do the buses go there? We’ll start a new life, live in an igloo, eat salted fish. I’ll have to take a new name, obviously. I’ve always liked Rupert. You can be Solomon Junior.”
    â€œNo way, Dad.” Casper shoved his chair back and stood tall over his dad. “We’re going nowhere. You’ve put on a whopping spread tonight andthe villagers loved it. What did he do? Omelette. You’ve got this in the bag, Dad. You’re going to win the cook-off on Friday and send Renée packing.”
    â€œJean-Claude.”
    â€œYeah, him.”
    â€œSend him packing. Right.” There was no strength behind Julius’s voice.
    A long stiff pause fell on the room. Feeling a bit silly, Casper sat down again.
    Julius sighed. “We’re doomed.”
    Ting-a-ling.
    Lamp tumbled into the restaurant amidst a