Celebrity Detox: (the fame game) by Rosie O'Donnell Read Free Book Online Page B

Towers,
    AND STOP I HEAR STOP
    and they know it’s true
    I can’t believe him and I stand up.
    Because if I stand up it’ll change the reality
    because I’m in control there, at 30 Rock
    I’m the boss,
    it’s the Rosie O’Donnell show and I am, Rosie O’Donnell.
    So nothing happens here that I don’t know about.
    Nothing!
    Not a mystery guest,
    SURPRISE BIRTHDAY CAKE
    nothing
    NOTHING happened on that show that I don’t know about.
    I was in control
    I turned on the Today Show, Katie wasn’t saying it
    so that meant it didn’t happen.
    then I hear, “A tiny commuter plane has flown into the . . .”
    “John it was JUST A tiny commuter plane”
    then we see the second PLANE smash into that tower
    live on television.
    Live on television!
    We watched an airplane full of families, people, human souls,
    fly into a building, where hundreds of thousands of people,
    innocent people, were just living their lives!
    We saw it live!
    On TV!
    Well, that’s when I knew,
    “Check, please” I was done. I could not do it anymore.
    I said “no”
    I told them,
    “I’m quitting! I am not going on,
    I CANNOT go on television and do this show
    when these kinds of things can happen in the world.
    I CANNOT do it.”
    I didn’t want to.
    Because I wanted to be somewhere safe with my family.
    I didn’t want to be in the city away from them.
    I didn’t want that to happen again (crying).
    I didn’t want any more planes going into buildings,
    I really don’t but it happens every day,
    every day, and there’s darkness and I have to remember that.
    There’s darkness but there’s light!
    And the darkness is so powerful!
    IT HAD ME IN ITS GRIP.
    I went back on the air and I kept making my journals.
    9/11 happened and I started gluing all the images from it onto canvas. my soul and my heart could believe it was true.
    I was there.
    I watched it happen.
    But I still didn’t believe it!
    I didn’t believe it was true.
    So I kept gluing them and gluing them and gluing them.
    Look!
    I tried to trick my brain.
    Look!
    This is what happened!
    YOU LIVED THRU THIS
    (Phone rings)
    There will always be darkness and
    the trick is not to stay in the light
    but ALLOW the light.
    YOU ARE THE WINDOW
    TRY TO ALLOW THE LIGHT TO SHINE THRU YOU
    I KNOW THIS
    IT IS MY GOAL
    MANTRA
    THE SECRET
    Promise yourself there will be no more wars.
    Promise yourself, start in your family.
    It’s impossible to fix.
    That’s not the way I wrote the script.
    See the way I wrote the script is
    this little girl goes through all this stuff
    then she gets really famous
    and she makes all the pain go away.
    For her self and her siblings
    she made it all better.
    Well I got famous
    and it didn’t make it better!
    And nobody wants to hear that.
    Because it’s a hundred dollars a ticket
    and I don’t fuckin’ blame ’em.
    I should shut the fuck up and deal with it myself.
    9/11 happened so what relevance does all this star stuff have?
    Zero.
    0000000000000000.
    Print that on your page.
    What’s it look like?
    Those are the mouths of people in planes,
    screaming 0000000000000000000
    as they become bombs.
    You can’t change this channel.
    there’s no other show.
    let’s not pretend otherwise, okay?
    (Back to music)
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    For me, there is no pretending with a live audience.
    I felt the energy of the audience that day. I felt very welcomed. I sat in the seat and everything went well. Janette tells me Barbara held my hand as we went onstage. That matters. It also matters that I felt my stage self come back. She had gone missing for four years; or, rather, I’d put her in storage, like you do the Christmas ornaments when the season’s over, except the ornaments you know you can retrieve, while the second self—that’s harder to find in the basement of the brain.
    I was relieved to find her, relieved to lift her out and shake the dust from her clothes, relieved to see that if I turned the key in her back she could still sing