Chain Reaction by Simone Elkeles Read Free Book Online Page B

Marco almost daily, he warned me to stay away from him. That boy is nothing but trouble , he’d said one day when he came home to find us making out in the pool in our backyard. I don’t want you hanging around with him . He’ll get you into trouble. Mom agreed with him.
    I thought they were judging Marco just because he lived on the south side. I was wrong.
    I look over at my dad. He’s got a death grip on the steering wheel, and he’s focused on the road.
    “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” I say over and over as the pain gets sharper and sharper.
    He sighs heavily. “I know.”
    “Do you hate me?” I hold my breath, waiting for the answer.
    “I’m disappointed in you, Nicolasa,” he says, calling me by my formal name he never uses unless he’s really upset. He doesn’t say anything more than that.
    “No matter what, we love you,” Mom says encouragingly from the backseat. “How did this happen? When? Where? We don’t condone—”
    “Maria, not now,” Dad tells her.
    Mom stops her questions, but they linger in the air between us.
    At the hospital, Dad makes sure I get admitted immediately. They do all these blood tests, and the specialist, Dr. Helene Wong, orders an ultrasound. I’m trying to hold in my tears, but it’s no use. After the ultrasound, Mom holds my hand. She doesn’t say much. I think she’s too scared and shocked to say anything, so she lets Dad and the other doctors do all the talking.
    After Dr. Wong orders a second ultrasound and I’m put on an IV, Mom sits on one side of my hospital bed and Dad sits on the other. The doctor is standing next to them with my test results in her hand.
    “You have an ectopic pregnancy,” she says, then explains why I need to have emergency surgery because they suspect my fallopian tube has started to rupture. Mom has her hand over her mouth as tears fall down her cheeks. Dad nods stiffly as he listens to Dr. Wong.
    “What’s going to happen to my baby?” I ask in a panic.
    Dr. Wong touches my shoulder. “There’s no way to save the baby,” she explains.
    I start crying again. The second I realized that I was really and truly pregnant, I’d hoped that the pregnancy wasn’t real. Did my negative thoughts make my body reject the baby? Deep sorrow and a mountain of guilt that I know I’ll carry around forever settle in my gut.
    Another wave of pain hits, and I grab my stomach.
    As my parents sign the waivers, the reality of what’s happening is making me shake.
    “Will I still be able to have kids in the future?” I ask Dr. Wong before she leaves the room to prep for the surgery.
    She nods. “One tube will be damaged, but your other one is healthy. You should be able to conceive without too much trouble.”
    After the IV is in, and they’re ready to wheel me into surgery, I look over at my parents. I want to say something to them, but I know if I do I’ll burst into sobs.
    Mom gives me a small, tight smile. She’s disappointed in me. I don’t blame her.
    Dad holds my hand until I’m wheeled into surgery. “We’ll be right here waiting until you come out.”
    The operating room is cold and smells like canned air. I’m being hooked up to monitors and Dr. Wong tells me I’m going to be feeling sleepy as they put something in my IV. As I fall into a deep slumber, I vow to forget about Marco and forget about our baby who never had a chance.
    Luis Fuentes reminded me that I’m still vulnerable. If I’m emotionally unavailable, then I don’t have to worry about ever getting hurt. When this nightmare is over, I’m going to be a different person … Nikki Cruz will no longer be vulnerable.

9
    Luis
    TWO YEARS AND TWO MONTHS LATER
    Fairfield, Illinois.
    If you would’ve told me two weeks ago I’d be moving back to Illinois after fleeing this place when I was eleven, I’d have laughed. In all that time I came back to Illinois once, for my brother’s wedding more than two years ago.
    Now I’m seventeen and back for