Change of Heart by Sally Mandel Read Free Book Online

Strikes.”
    â€œShe’s an … older woman, then?” Sharlie asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.
    â€œNot old enough,” Brian answered through a mouthful of tomato salad. “She’s promised her job to me when she quits, but I think I’ll have to hire an army of guerrillas to get her out of there.” Even muffled by the tomatoes, his voice was unmistakably affectionate. He smiled at Sharlie. “Barbara and I do not always see eye to eye.” Sharlie was about to ask him what she looked like when he set his fork down emphatically. “I don’t go on like this. Really.”
    Sharlie smiled at him.
    â€œYour turn.” He sat looking at her expectantly.
    Finally Sharlie said, “You ate your cherry pie, and then my salad, and now another dessert I never saw anybody do that before. Doesn’t it clash?”
    â€œYou’re cheating,” he said, mouth full of chocolate mousse. He reached out and squeezed her hand briefly. “Try eating and talking at the same time. It’s easier than you think. Come on. I’ve left you a few scraps.”
    She shook her head, and he scrutinized her pale face.
    â€œYou know, I appreciate a cheap date, but you’re not going to get healthy on that diet”
    Sharlie’s chest ached, but not with the usual throbbing constriction. She felt as if she were swelling inside, the space under her breasts expanding with warm, unrelenting pressure, and that she must ventilate the volcano or explode into tiny pieces, making a mess of the quiet dining room. She started to talk, hesitating at first, but as she spoke, the feeling of imminent explosion dissipated and was replaced with a sensation of flying. It was scary but exhilarating. She seemed to be watching herself from the far corner of the room, recording her emotions on mental videotape so that she could replay them later when she was alone again. Now and then her eyes threatened to tear, but she was able to blink the mist away. Mainly, she felt free, dizzily and terrifyingly free. And once she got started, there didn’t seem to be any way to stop.
    She talked about her medical history, explaining it to Brian in minute detail because he asked her a thousand questions and seemed to need to have it all clearly visualized. She even made him a diagram of the human heart on a paper napkin.
    She told him about the food supplements that compensated for her lack of appetite, about the precarious balance of chemicals in her bloodstream. He asked about pills and drugs. Sharlie smiled, opened her handbag, and showed him a dozen bottles crammed inside. His eyes widened, but then he grinned at her and told her to shut her bag, or they’d be arrested for making an illegal transaction over lunch.
    â€œThis is just the emergency stuff. There’s lots more at home.”
    â€œWouldn’t it be easier to get a transplant and the hell with it?”
    â€œThat’s not so easy,” she replied slowly. He looked curious so she went on, still amazed at how the words kept brimming over and how powerless she was to stop them.
    â€œAfter my last attack—not this one, the one before—Daddy took me to Houston, and I was there for six weeks waiting for a donor. Nobody ever turned up, and I finally got well enough to come home again. Thank goodness.”
    She played with the wrapper from her straw, making it into an accordion.
    â€œI don’t want it. I have really bad feelings about it. The whole idea gives me the creeps.”
    â€œBut if it could help … Aren’t there people who’ve been completely cured?”
    â€œThere were eighty-four alive last I knew.”
    Brain said, “So?” and waited, but Sharlie only shook her head and looked at him with haunted eyes. He sat quietly for a moment, thoughtful.
    â€œThen what are the alternatives?”
    â€œNothing … at the moment.”
    Brian was startled at the flicker of fury in her