Chasing Me by Cat Mason Read Free Book Online Page A

sick. Something I have never felt before washes over me: shame. I don’t like it. At all.
    “Wasn’t it?” He asks, crossing his arms over his chest. Henry was never my father. He finished raising us, but was always my brother, my best friend, and above everything else the one who knew me better than anyone. Now it hurts that he so easily just assumes the worst of me, even if it is partially true.
    “Well, Big Man, I guess since it’s the worst possible thing to assume of me it has to be the truth. Being the selfish, sick bastard that I am would obviously mean I have a hidden motive. I’d apologize, not out of guilt, because I have no conscience. My main goal isn’t forgiveness, it’s just to get into her pants one last time.” I bite out. “Don’t think too much of Cunter, he’ll surely let you down. I mean he isn’t possible of changing for the better. No way he would be caught doing anything noble or worth being proud of.” I add, watching Chase take a shot with Cam, Aiden, and Luke. She smiles at Cam, giggling and happy as if nothing happened only moments before.
    “Damn it, that’s not what I mean.” Henry says apologetically. “Listen, it’s just,”
    I wave him off, “No, I know what you meant brother. Thanks for reminding me of my place.” Turning, I make my way to the bar. Grabbing a stool on the end away from everyone, I motion for the dude to pour me a shot. “Keep ‘em comin’ man,” I murmur, lifting the glass high. I tip it to Chase in a silent toast, just between us. Her eyes meet mine, widening as they fill with concern, but I shake her off.
    Swallowing it in one gulp, I feel the welcome heat of the alcohol as it goes down already beginning to numb my pain. Silently, I think how wrong Chase is. If all these people care about me so goddamn much, why don’t they expect more from me than the asshole that I have been for so long. The role I fell into, that I continue to play, even though it’s not as rewarding as it was months ago. The bastard front man that fucks anything that walks. Who isn’t supposed to care who he hurts as long as he gets his good time. Why change the appearance of a place no one would dare to occupy. My heart isn’t a place anyone wants to visit, let alone take up residence. Most importantly, no one would ever willingly let me in theirs. Even when I try to protect the people I care about, it backfires in my face, only hurting myself.
    Having no one but my brother and best friends was always enough for me, until now; because, I had always thought they knew there was more to me than just the guy who makes nasty jokes and isn’t afraid to upset the ladies church group in a diner. For the first time since we started Shaft, I feel completely empty. Everyone around me is happy. Their lives are coming together, while I stand still, never moving, unchanging. My family is celebrating, while I attempt to empty the bottle of whiskey in front of me in record time.

    ***
    Two hours later, the bottle is empty and the bartender decides to cut me off. Henry’s huge mit of a hand covers my shoulder before I can argue for another bottle. “Come on brother, I’ll get you back to the hotel so you can sleep this shit off.” Sliding off my stool, I wobble unsteadily. “Let’s go, I don’t want you embarrassing yourself man.” He says, grabbing my arm.
    Yanking away from him, I crash against the bar knocking glasses to the ground. “Fuck you, brother. Don’t you really mean before I embarrass you ?” Looking around the room, I glare at everyone now staring at Henry and me. “That’s what you all think isn’t it?” Pushing off the bar, I stagger across the room toward the hallway. “Just placate the poor bastard because if we don’t, he will just make life harder for us. Well fuck you all, I’m tired of being forced to suffer through your good time.” Reaching the hallway, I turn and look into the shocked faces of my family taking in my drunken outburst and even