Cicely's King Richard (Cicely Plantagenet Trilogy) by Sandra Heath Wilson Read Free Book Online Page B

of pain and misery.
    ‘Do not make excuses, for Jesu’s sake do not make excuses—I heard what you said!’
    Cicely felt a hard knot of anger in her stomach, and struggled defiantly to her feet. ‘Very well, if you are so eager to believe the worst of me.’
    ‘Of course I believe the worst, I heardyou!’
    ‘What did you hear, Bess? Tell me. If I said so much, perhaps you will enlighten me, for to be sure I do not remember.’ Cicely’s voice was very like their mother then, the same ice-cold crispness belying the inner fury.
    Bess faltered and the first doubt crept into her face. This was a side of Cicely she had not seen. ‘Well, you and Mother spoke of . . .’ She bit her lip and her voice sank to a barely audible whisper. ‘You were discussing the way I feel about our uncle.’ Having said it aloud at last, she sank to the bed, trembling. ‘Oh, Cissy, I have never known such misery and shame.’ She put her hand out blindly to her sister, and with a rush of feeling Cicely took it and sat to put a comforting arm around her.
    ‘Bess, dearest Bess, you know that I was not tittle-tattling to Mother. And believe it or not, she is sad to see you so unhappy. And she would have known nothing at all had you not betrayed yourself by shielding him so often and so violently. Your feelings are written so large that even I can recognize them for what they are.’
    ‘I am so ashamed of myself, so disgusted, and yet I cannot conquer it. The very sound of his name sends my pulses racing. He is my uncle and yet I crave him.’ Bess began to shake, her eyes pleading with her sister to forgive such iniquity.
    ‘My poor Bess.’
    ‘Cissy, I tell you if he were to beckon his finger to me I would willingly give myself to him.’ Bess hung her head once more. ‘Have you any notion of how I felt today? He was so near, in the same abbey, but I could not even look upon him. He is enshrined in my heart, every detail, every flaw. I love him so much,’ she breathed.
    Cicely sat silently with her, holding her close and just listening.
    When Bess spoke again, her voice was very soft. ‘The last time I saw him he was about to depart for Middleham. He had taken his leave of Father, saw me outside and came over to say farewell. He kissed my cheek and hugged me, telling me that the man who married me would have the most beautiful princess in the world. If you could have seen him then, Cissy. He was so handsome and gentle, so slender and yet so strong, wearing a thick travelling cloak over the wine velvet doublet and grey hose he had worn in the great hall as we broke our fast. And he wore thigh boots, I remember. I do so like thigh boots. It was impossible to know that his back sometimes causes him pain, for he would not let that be known to anyone. I adored him so much in that moment that I could hardly stand. I desperately wanted to tell him how I felt, but to him I was only his niece, and he did not see beyond that into my heart. The desolation I felt at his leaving left me in no doubt; no doubt at all that I love and desire my own uncle.’
    ‘Bess, if the Pope can—rarely, I know—give dispensation for uncles to marry their nieces, then in God’s eyes it cannot be a truly evil crime to love Richard. Can it? I wish I could say something more to help you, but I cannot.’
    ‘Dispensation or not, nothing can change the fact that Richard is married already, and adores his wife. I cannot bear to think of her. She has him and I do not. She may not even love him, but I would, Cissy. Oh, how I would. He would be deeply shocked if he knew anything of this, and I would lose him forever then. At least I have something of him now, a smile, an arm around my shoulder, or a kiss on the cheek. I imagine so much, you know. I lie in bed at night, thinking of how it would be if I went to him as he slept.’
    Cissy was startled. ‘I do not think you should tell me anything more, Bess.’
    ‘But I need to, Cissy. I have to let you know what it is